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Warzone Solo Strategy - My Tips for Kills and Success

Hi everyone, I have been playing almost exclusively warzone solos for a while now and I've noticed there is actually not much in the way of good strategy guides just for solos. I am a bit above average (KD 1.24) but far from the best player around, nevertheless I believe I have a great deal of experience in fine-tuning different solo strategies and seeing what works and what doesn't. In this post I will go through my process of what to do, when to do it, why I'm doing it and how I go about doing it. Gun-skill and situational awareness are two prerequisites that should be nailed down before thinking about macro-strategy, and can only be learnt by practice.
Note that the strategy below is probably not the best one for overall win-rate. That one would probably the do-10-recons-and-camp-the-final-circle strategy but if you like to play more aggressively getting lots of kills and dislike the camping playstyle, read on.
Step 1 - The Drop
The very first step to a successful game is a good drop. As with many things, you should be able to drop anywhere and make it work, so this is mostly about efficiently getting kitted up as soon as possible so you a) don't get into a position where you are encountering loaded-out players while you're stuck with ground loot and b) can get your loadout as soon as possible and start racking up kills on players that haven't yet got theirs.
Dropping locations vary on a scale of hot (many players landing in a condensed location) to cold (no other players landing there). The heat of a particular drop location depends on the following:
  1. Relative position to the flight path. Almost without fail the hottest drop locations are immediately below the point where the plane enters the map. These are the players who are in a mad rush to start looting and don't want to waste any time in the air. The middle of the plane's flight path is still pretty hot for much the same reason, just not so much as the beginning or end. The end point of the flight path is hot because this is where the AFK players get kicked out. Usually there are about five AFK players but also another five who want to grab some easy kills on them. Conversely, the longer the transverse distance from the flight path the colder it gets because it takes longer to get to, risks being shot while parachuting and is frankly a little bit tedious. That is not to say that it is necessarily a bad thing to do.
  2. Relative position to first circle. There does not appear to be much variation in heat within the first circle which is marked on the map - the centre is not particularly hotter than the edges. But the further you get outside the first circle you get the colder it becomes. The reason for this is obvious, you only have a couple of minutes to loot before the gas closes and if you are far outside the circle you will have to race back to safety.
  3. Scavenger contracts. These contracts can turn an area from a cold to a hot drop location, simply because most people realise that these are one of the best ways to begin a solo game.
  4. High-value locations. These locations will generally always be hot, more or less-so depending on where they are, relative to the flight path and first circle. High-value locations are places which have a lot of valuable loot in a small area and are consequently the quickest way to get decent ground loot and the money for a loadout. Examples include the train, superstore and passcode bunkers.
What is good to keep in mind is that a drop location will be hot for a reason - people want to drop in a certain place because it offers a certain advantage. Equally, a cold location will be cold generally because it offers little advantage. On the other hand, lots of competition in the early game is very risky. Even if you have great gun-skill it is very easy to get third-partied and therefore in half the games you drop hot you will get sent to the gulag within a minute or two. In solos the player count drops from 150 to 120 or less in about a minute - those 30 almost certainly dropped hot and paid for it. Cold drops, while taking longer to reach, will allow you more time to loot in peace and will generally give you enough space to seek out enemies on your own terms. However in the coldest spots you may struggle to find anyone, which isn't very fun at all.
As with most things in life, a compromise is often the best option. You should be able to handle the heat of two or three players dropping within 100m or you, so no need to go colder than that. Go much hotter and it becomes a toss-up if you'll survive into the top 100.
Obviously there's more to it than simply trying to pick a lukewarm drop position. You have to think about what you want to do upon landing. A contract is generally your answer. Bounties, while rewarding, aren't generally the best thing to get straight away. For a start, often your bounty target will still be in the air and will soon be hundreds of meters away. Alternatively they could have had a lucky drop and have found far better weapons than you. There is one situation however where I would recommend bounties straight away, and that is when you are the one who got a lucky drop and you were able to get a very good ground loot weapon very quickly. For example, with the season 6 ground loot origins even if the bounty target hides like a rat upstairs in a building, you can reliably rush them. Time is the great equalizer; after about five minutes you can assume that everyone has a good weapon. Before that time, if you have a powerful ground loot weapon then squeeze as many kills as you can. Recons are only good in my opinion if you go big on recons till the end (as I mentioned above). Supply runs are a bit meh, at the start you want to be focusing on looting items not buying stuff. That leaves us with scavengers.
While I did mention above that these contracts make for pretty hot locations, they do so for good reason. A scavenger contract only takes a minute or so to complete and rewards you with all the plates you'll need, a high chance of rare/legendary weapon and often enough cash to go straight for a loadout. Essentially, they reward you for what you would be doing anyway at this point in the game - looting. Furthermore, in season 6 the drop rate for plates decreased a lot - meaning that generic looting cannot guarantee you will get enough plates as quick as you will need them. With a scavenger, you avoid getting stuck without armour - suffice to say this is not a good position to find yourself.
Since scavengers are hot drops, you'll want to go for one on the colder end of the spectrum so you actually have a chance to reach it first and not die in the process. So long as you pick one that's not under the flight path you should be fine. Also, think contingencies. Think 'what am I going to do if I can't get that contract?'. This is why, ideally, you should go for a spot with a few scavengers in the vicinity so that if one gets taken there will still be others to grab. Ironically these locations are often less hot than places with just one scavenger - in such places there will likely be three or more players all converging on one place. Another tip is that some scavenger icons on the map are hard to see because they are under other icons or place names - many players would have missed those, leaving them all to you!
Alternatively, instead of going for a contract you could drop on the train. The train is pretty much a moving bunker's worth of loot but avoids the risk of getting trapped inside by another player. Admittedly, if the train is close to the flight path it can get really hot and therefore not worth the risk. If it is far away however it is possible to have the whole train to yourself. If you do then you often will get twice the loot of a scavenger contract in a fraction of the time; then jump off the train at a buy station and you could get your loadout within a minute of the drop. Obviously it is a lottery whether other players have the same idea as well and most of the time you will have to fight the other passengers. What's good about the train is that it is easy to bail and escape a bad gunfight if you feel you need to.
An ideal drop that leaves both strategies open is if you aim for a scavenger contract near to the train track and loot until the train approaches. Then you can quickly see if it is unlooted in which case you can jump on and do the honours, if it is currently being looted it is quite easy to kill the looter who, thinking they had the train to themselves, is focusing on looting. If the train has been looted and the looter has skedaddled, no worries! You still have a scavenger contract to keep you busy.
One final thing I will say about dropping is that it is preferable to drop fairly centrally in the first circle. The reason for this is that you'll want to have your free loadout drop deep in the circle which means it will stick around into the mid-late game. You will want this because if and when you get sent to the gulag and return you will want to be able to grab your loadout ASAP. The later in the game it is the harder and more dangerous cash is to find, making raising 10k a tough prospect.
To summarise, drop on a scavenger or the train (ideally both) in a medium-heat location in the centre of the circle.
Step 2 - Early Game (drop -> loadout)
Ok, so you've dropped on your scavenger and have started looting. Your priorities here are as follows:
  1. Getting a decent weapon. Doesn't need to be fantastic, just lose your pistol as quick as you can. Even the plain old grey Uzi will serve you well in the early game. As you loot further you can pick up better weapons.
  2. Getting plates. The one plate you need to get from your starting two to the full 250 health bar is critical. You don't want to enter any gunfights until you are fully plated - ideally with a few more in the pocket to sustain prolonged intermittent firefights. Don't panic if there aren't any plates around - just focus on completing the scavenger and you'll get all the plates you need.
  3. Getting cash. The ultimate aim for early game is saving up the 10k for a loadout. A scavenger won't generally give you enough cash on its own, so as you proceed from box to box make sure you open regular blue boxes en route to try and grab more cash.
Once you've completed the scavenger take a look at your cash stack. If you have 10k, then head to the nearest buy station and grab a loadout marker. If you are short of the 10k, you will need to either loot some more or grab a bounty. I'm partial to a bounty at this point if I have a decent weapon and I'm not in downtown (bounties in downtown are very difficult to pull off). A bounty will give you 6k in addition to whatever the target drops, so if you kill them you will have more than enough for a loadout as well as a self res or UAV.
Buying and grabbing your loadout is one of the most dangerous parts of the early game - the red smoke is difficult to hide and often snipers will wait for you to stand still for half a second while you open the loadout before they dome you. There are however ways to mitigate the danger. One tactic is to run off into the woods or mountains on the edge of the map and drop the marker there. This method is fairly safe (so long as you make sure you're not being followed) but it takes a while to get there, if you're in the centre of the map it can be unfeasible. Another method is to find a building with an accessible roof, clear it of any enemies, and drop your marker on the ground floor. This will both hide most of the smoke and put the loadout on the roof, hopefully avoiding people sneaking up on you while you grab it. Note that this latter method is vulnerable to snipers, so avoid using buildings that are close to even higher buildings (e.g. downtown) and remember to go prone while opening the loadout.
This brings me to the question that is always on the mind of warzone players - what loadout should I get? The only rule I would stick to is to make sure you have the ghost perk. You are playing at a massive strategical disadvantage, especially in mid to late-game, if you don't run ghost. Overkill may be tempting, but at this point you should have a good enough ground loot weapon to keep on hand along with whatever loadout weapon you pick. Even if you don't have anything decent, just go with an all-comers weapon like an assault rifle. Honestly, it's not worth being the one guy that everyone will be making a bee-line too when they start popping UAVs in mid-game.
Since you'll only be getting one primary weapon in your loadout, you ought to pick whatever complements your best current ground loot weapon. As a rule of thumb, you always want something to cover mid-range (assault rifles, long range SMGs, LMGs) and then you can pick a long-range (snipers) or short-range (SMGs, shotguns) weapon depending on where the circle is moving and/or your playstyle. The northern part of the map has a lot of open spaces that reward sniping, while in the more urban areas you will want something to handle close-quarter encounters. Personal preference is of course a major factor - don't pick a sniper if you hate sniping. If you like rushing buildings then don't leave without an MP5 or good shotgun.
In season 6 there are good ground loots weapons in every category. When you head to buy your loadout, have a think of what you want to keep and what you'll want to pick up (make sure to do the thinking before you throw down the loadout marker, you want to pick up the loadout as quick as humanly possible after that). Below is a list of what I would recommend getting depending on what you have on hand, in terms of ground-loot:
The other things to consider are perks, tacticals and lethals. Everyone has their favourites, but for solos I recommend the following:
Once you have picked up your loadout, remember to pick up whatever ground loot weapon you decided to keep (if any, you may prefer a launcher secondary to handle vehicles) and high-tail it out of the area as quickly as possible. You want to put distance between you and the red smoke which has probably caught the eye of some thirsty players who are now running there trying to catch an easy kill. You could wait and try and kill some of these players, but consider they could be coming from any direction and you will have to keep an eye on 360 degrees of approach.
At some point, 13s before the gas reaches the first circle IIRC, you will get a free loadout. Leave it alone unless you're coming back from the gulag. For one, it will likely be camped and become a deathtrap, secondly you want to leave your future self a lifeline if you go to the gulag and redeploy. Again, this is why it is helpful to be near the centre of the circle when the free loadout spawns so that you can take advantage of it even if you redeploy late-game.
Optional Step 2.5 - Gulag
Fairly often in the early game you will get unlucky or outplayed and get sent to the gulag. It happens to everyone and is far from the end of the game. I would say that at least half of my wins have come after returning from the gulag. I can't tell you how to win the gulag - that comes down mostly to gun-skill and muscle memory. If you lose the gulag, it's not the end of the world, just play again. Now let's say you kick your opponents ass and you redeploy, you should aim straight for the free loadout if it has spawned yet. If not, drop on a scavenger and go through the early-game process of getting plates, weapons, cash etc. Then grab the loadout when it arrives. Doing this is dangerous especially if many players' loadouts drop together, but so is waiting around without your loadout. Either approach as soon as it drops and grab it before people settle in to camp it, or encircle the loadout and clear out potential camping spots before grabbing it.
Optional step 2.6 - Bunkers
If at any point in the game (except perhaps late game) you find a red access card, drop everything and head to the nearest card bunker. There are four I believe; dam, military base, hills and prison. Especially since season 6 these are incredibly valuable. Now there will always be, right at the back of the bunker, a 'super-legendary' item. This could be a loadout drop marker (a.k.a. 10k cash), durable gas mask, advanced UAV, minigun, foresight or juggernaut. All are incredibly useful (except perhaps the minigun) and potentially game-winning, especially the juggernaut and foresight. If you pick up a juggernaut it is very hard to lose in solos. It feels like a cheap win, but a win is a win. Foresight is also incredibly broken, it's gives you the exact position of the final circle including all the circle movement. When I talk about the late-game I emphasise how important circle movement is to victory, and this gives you all that intel on a silver platter. If you fancy a relaxing game it also tells you exactly what house to go and have a nap in until the late game. Even if you get none of these items, the sheer amount of cash you can loot from the bunker can mean you'll never need to worry about money for the rest of the game.
Be careful getting to the bunker though. By all means take a vehicle, just don't park it right outside the door. That's just asking for an uninvited guest to crash the party. Park a hundred meters or so away and take the rest by foot, making sure nobody sees you go in. If you're trapped in there by someone waiting at the door there's no other way out.
Step 3 - Mid game (loadout -> top 20)
Now this is where the fun begins! When you have your loadout you could pick a building and sit in there like a loser. What is much more rewarding is to go out hunting. Players could be anywhere, just wandering around aimlessly is not the key to a high-kill game. You need targets to aim for and approach strategically like a tiger. How can you find targets? You can see players visually and follow them, which is a cheap and effective method but unreliable, furthermore if they have decent situational awareness they will spot you back very soon after you do, leaving a limited time window to attack with the element of surprise.
Another way to locate targets is to head in the direction of unsuppressed fire, which will place a temporary red dot on the mini-map. If this happens close to you then you have a prime opportunity to third-party someone and get a cheap kill, but if you have to travel a few hundred meters it becomes a less reliable way of getting kills. Consider that the player who has been firing their unsuppressed weapon is fully aware that they have just broadcasted their location and will be quickly relocating after the fight if they have any game sense. Furthermore, many players will likely have the same idea as you and will flock like moths to a flame hoping to get a few juicy kills, this can often create a chain reaction of third-party attacks as people arrive to intervene in the unsuppressed gunfight, who fire more unsuppressed shots thereby attracting more people. This generally ends badly for 90% of those involved, so best avoided if you can.
There are only two methods to reliably locate targets - UAVs and bounty contracts. The former costs money, while the latter awards it. However, the crucial difference is that someone highlighted by an UAV is completely unaware that they have been targeted and that you are heading straight for them. Granted, they will hear the 'UAV overhead' announcement but that is so common in solos that it doesn't have much meaning - in mid-game solos you can reliably assume that there is always at least one UAV overhead from someone. In contrast, when someone is chosen as a bounty target they know that they specifically have been singled out and how close their hunter is. Most players' reaction to this is to just camp in a building for the three minutes until the time expires. If you have a decent short range SMG or shotgun you should be able to rush a building in which your target is hiding, but it is no guarantee of success. Remember, just because you have a bounty target it does not mean you have to attack - if they're hiding upstairs in a house with an origin and claymores on the stairs, it's not a fight you have much chance of winning. Move along.
In short, if you have the money buy a UAV and hunt with whatever intel it gives you. Ideally the kill you get with that intel will fund your next UAV purchase and you will snowball round the map racking up the kills. Remember if there are no UAV targets near you and it runs out of fuel before you reach the red dots, you can try and pinpoint them with your heartbeat sensor. Think of it like a mini-UAV. I should probably mention at this point that if you have left over money from buying a UAV, pick up a self-res if you can. 80% of the time they won't help but you'll feel incredibly grateful for the 20% of times they do. Of course, if there is a fire sale you might as well grab one for free.
If your snowball of death grinds to a halt; maybe you ran out of non-ghosted players in the vicinity or you ran out of money by killing too many poor players, now is a good time to pick up a bounty target to get the snowball going again.
A third way to find targets more reliably than just wandering around, but without the risk of bounties or the cost of UAVs is to employ the famous 'pinwheel rotation'. Popularised by youtuber Icemanisaac, this is where you hug the gas while it is stationary and then rotate into the next circle at a 45 degree angle to the gas when it closes in. The logic for this strategy is that you will catch players moving into the inner circle directly perpendicular to the gas, including players flushed out of their camping spots by the encroaching gas. What's more, you don't need to worry so much about your outside flank since that will be covered by the gas. I find this strategy works best mid to late game when the gas isn't moving as fast and the amount of non-ghosted players diminishes the value of UAVs. Be sure to grab a gas mask if you're using this strategy as you will occasionally need to dip into the gas. Note that you can use UAVs as you pinwheel, giving you extra intel (e.g. if the UAV picks up someone in a building on the edge of the gas, you can expect them to be flushed out where you will be waiting for them).
Using our toolkit of UAVS, bounties, unsuppressed fire and the pinwheel rotation, you should be able to grab a good amount of kills in the mid-game.
Step 4 - Late game (top 20 -> Warzone Victory)
Generally around the top 20 the real end-game begins. Now the value from UAVs is diminished, since non-ghosted players are probably dead and in any event you don't have the liberty anymore to start running around everywhere looking for kills. Bounties aren't worth it anymore because cash becomes more or less irrelevant at this point - there's probably only one or two buy stations left and they're most likely camped. If you come across a bounty you can take it just for the extra intel it gives you, just be very careful about going after them. At this point in the game you need to play a lot more cautiously. I would say camping is fine at this stage - you've had your fun already.
If you can secure a house in the final circle then that's ideal, what is more likely is that the recon-ers have already secured all the nice camping spots. If you have a good MP5 or shotgun you could rush the building but its a risky prospect and liable to third parties joining in the fun. If you are stuck outside in the cold then, if it's an open area, your best bet is probably to continue to pinwheel in as the gas closes, albeit at a slower, more cautious pace. If the final circle is a more urban area like downtown or promenade, you can slowly but surely proceed into the circle making sure to check all your corners, make maximum use of cover and dial the situational awareness up to 11. You can still get quite a few kills this way as often players won't hear your approach if you don't run.
At the final circle it all comes down to gun-skill, stealth and a healthy dollop of luck. In the top 3, try to third party the other two. Nine times out of ten the two players who start the gunfight lose to the player who waited and finished off the victor. Of course, you often don't have the luxury of picking your fights. When the circle starts moving, this is where the RNG can give you or steal away the win. If the circle moves to your side then it's simply a matter of waiting for the gas to deliver your opponent(s) into your arms. If not, then the opposite will apply. The odds will be against you in this case but it's by no means a done deal. Here your only chance of survival is superior gun-skill.
And there you have it! The entire process from dropping to winning the game. This took way longer than I thought it would but I hope I've given some useful tips. I would love for you guys to offer any thoughts on my strategy and stuff you do that also works well.
submitted by bonbanarma to CODWarzone [link] [comments]

I know- I know, I shouldn’t have messed with a ouija board in the first place. But we’re past that point.

I know I shouldn’t play with a ouija board; but I’m INFATUATED
I don’t even know how to begin speaking of this. fr I’ve got a lot of questions that I need more minds on. And askouiji is extremely unhelpful with legitimate questions. Shit keeps me up at night.
I’ll explain.
There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s start with a story my mother told me about her basement. Some context and history might be needed tho.
Once upon a time, my grandmother was bat-shit insane. From my understanding, she’s always had problems with pills and such- it ended up being the death of her. Just before I was born Her apartment caught fire, the doorknob fell off, and she was too high to get out. My mom swears it’s a murder case. My grandfather was a war vet, and would whip the 5 children in the house relentlessly.
Your probably wondering what that has to do with anything, and quite frankly it’s just so you can understand the setting that my mom grew up in. They didn’t give a shit and when they did it was in the wrong way.
My grandmother was super into wicken, black magic, witchcraft and all that. My mom said she was very catholic religious as well- which after some of the things that have happened to me; I don’t fucking blame her. Apparently this rubbed off on her kids though, because two of the five also dabbled in such things. My Aunt Linda, and my Uncle Carry.
My mom always tried to keep us as far away from the people she grew up with as humanly possible. Everyone who grew up in that house ended up terrible addicts or crazies. They first moved into the house in the 1970s, and it was the early 80s when the children lived in the basement. They would put the girls downstairs, and the boys upstairs; since they tended to need more discipline.
My mom says that they used to have this chair just sort of chilling in the bedroom. It didn’t really have a purpose, and was typically just a catch-all for clothes that were still clean; or the occasional parent visiting their room. One night- when she was probably no older than 10- my mother and my aunt are waiting for sleep to come, when Linda’s voice cracks out in the silence-
‘Mickey..do you see that?’ Or something along those lines I’m sure. Half awake, my mom takes the covers off of her head to see an angelic looking woman, sitting daintily on the now empty chair. She only ever described her beautifully, but her tone of voice telling the story always gave me a sense that as beautiful as she may have been, every beauty came off wrong. As if there were air quotes around the scene itself. My Aunt began talking to the “angel”. My Aunt is older than my mother- maybe that’s why she felt no need to be afraid. My mother listened to this one sided conversation; head under the covers. The first look was real enough that she wanted no part in it.
She began to hear the ‘angel’ start to address her. The angel asked her why she’s hiding, asked her to look, asked her to talk, etc. My mother says it felt like her gut was full of rocks. As she refused and ignored- the voice began to change. The angel was begging her. Then it began telling her. Then demanding. Then screaming. My mother stayed under the covers and prayed; whilst Linda continued a conversation with the same woman technically but a different voice. My mom never spoke to it that night and didn’t see it as much as Linda did after that day.
Linda on the other hand, would chat with her many times after that night. When the girls room moved upstairs, so did the “angel.” My mom to this day will not allow the room to be arranged a certain way. Meeting Linda as an adult was a trip. She had this small book, and would go out onto our porch and read or pray out loud. She was a terrible addict and passed away from an overdose last year. Her daughter- who’s very similar- left some of her ashes in a zippy bag on our porch. She’s chilling on top of our China cabinet in the kitchen now. Rest her soul.
My mom says my uncle Carry got into devil worship at the house; sacrificing small animals and such. She said at some point it had gotten bad enough she would find hung kittens or catch him suffocating something or another. Absolutely insane shit. She says been his worship and my grandmothers black magic, they had opened some sort of portal?? (I don’t know how much of this I really believe, but I’ll share my own stories at some point). He died in 2011~ from full body cancer at 32.
When my grandpa died from cancer in like 2012 my mother was the only one of his children to take care of him in his last days. So he left the house to her. we had been renting and hopping around most of my elementary years, so my mom took it as an opportunity to save some money. She wanted to settle somewhere that wasnt her childhood home and didn’t give her terrible ptsd. He officially died in the hospital but his last days were spent in our living-room in a hospital bed.
I’m writing this in what used to be her room- the 9x9 office space that I painted when I was 10.
I don’t remember when exactly I started sleeping with the door shut- but I remember why. At first I would wake up and see my mom going to the bathroom. I always found it strange that she could just get up and go back to sleep like that- she spooked me several times by peaking her head in to check up on me. But there was a time where I woke up for no reason- expecting to see my mother scuffling to the bathroom in a tshirt- and instead staring into pitch black. It was as if my nightlight stopped at my door.
I remember being so puzzled at first- simply thinking it was a weird way the door caught the light or something- but a sense of dread was starting to make the hairs on my neck raise. It was so unnaturally black. Didn’t I used to be able to see my mothers face at the doorway? Didn’t I used to see her go to the bathroom? Why can’t I see the table in the hall like I usually can? The more questions I realized I didn’t have answers for- the more intense the feeling of doom became. Taking a page out of my mothers book, I hid under the covers until morning.
I just realized I failed to write this before 3am. It’s 3:02 and I swear if I have to interrupt my story to deal w some demon shit- I’m going to lose my fucking marbles. ANYWAYS-
I wake up and I’m talking about it with my mom right? And she tells me a story about myself I hardly remembered. When I was really little I refused to sleep alone in our old trailer. My mom would often come and sleep with me until she woke up to pee and would go back to her own bed. I’ve always been such a deep sleeper so she knew she wouldn’t wake me.
This night I wake up at 3am to see a person at the foot of my bed. They could’ve touched my moms foot if they reached out. I remember it just being this silhouette- impossibly dark. I’ve ALWAYS had night lights because I’m a little bitch, so I have no idea how it was such a shadow. I remember I felt like I wasn’t allowed to look at it- so I stared at my feet- barely taking in the figure in the edges of my vision. I touched my mother to wake her up (such a light sleeper) and she prayed with me to make it go away.
I’m currently not religious in the traditional sense so I have no idea why this worked. when I opened my eyes from the prayer- the entity that had been there giving me chills for the past like 10 minutes- was suddenly gone. No more shadow. I always thought I was just tripping as a kid. My mom totally would’ve freaked out if that was something right?
So when I talk to her about the shadow I had seen in our hall- the hairs on her arms stand up- and she tells me that she had seen it too. That night, when I was a child, she told me to tell it to go away in the name of god. What I didn’t know is that she had seen it- and stopped seeing it- at the same time I had.
Once I started sleeping with the door shut- shit got weird. When I’d get home from school my closet would be wide open. I used to be super messy- so I assume that it couldn’t have just been a broken latch- how would it have pushed the clothes and shoes back like that? Then it started happening at night. I’d unusually wake up and see the closet wide open- pitch fucking black.
I was a little older at this point- but still I know better than to try and look at its face. I feel like that’s just common sense at that point if you’re realistically experiencing some sort of paranormal activity. I didn’t always feel the sense of dread. Sometimes it was just creepy as hell. It wasn’t until I woke up one night as it was opening that I felt sick. I watched that door open to about an inch crack. Nearly pissed myself. I started putting laundry baskets and piles of clothes infront of it. I shit you not- it would still manage to open. I’d often just push the door to see if it had come unlatched and the answer was almost always yes. My mom thought we’d trade it out for a different door knob, with a lock. Then the new thing was the button being unlocked. It’s one of those push button locks that unlocks when you twist it and makes a sort of clunk noise. You can unlock it from the other side by jamming a Bobby pin or something.
I would wake up hearing this super specific noise and find the closet unlocked. Even stranger is when I’d hear this noise- yet the door is still locked. Sometimes I’d hear it twice. Makes 0 sense. Sometimes I’d wake up in my moms bed and neither of us would know how I got there. We’re talking middle school era when most tweens would rather be caught dead than still sleeping in their parents bed. And she’s a light sleeper so she would’ve noticed? She’s had a priest literally bless our home and burns sage regularly even though she’s the most Karen person you would ever meet.
So here’s the deal. The point of you knowing all of that is so you know why I wanted a ouija board in the first place. If not for the hella dead relatives I never got the chance to talk to, than to figure out what the hell was going on when I was a kid.
So of course I went to spirit Halloween. Aaaaaand blew 40 bucks so my friend Alex and I can have a shot at it. And don’t even judge me- if all of that backstory was true for you too you’d be just as curious! I had done a bunch of research at this point trying to find out what the rules typically are, stories, guides, history, anything. But there’s something weird about the search results for ouija boards. Why are there so many cheesey magazines writing about it? Why can I find anywhere of Reddit with current discussions on ouija? Some people have asked, but responses are usually pretty weak. Why isn’t it common knowledge that there have been ouija boards long before America even? Why aren’t more people still talking about this? Even just as a party game?
We’ve used the board three times now. Twice yesterday. All during the day at around 2 or 3 pm. Here are some notable things that have happened. (That I can remember right now- we need to start writing everything down)
1.) • originally said they are 8
•kept moving to the black next to the word goodbye, or would move to the moon on the board.
•when asked if it moving to the black spaces was because it’s shy it said yes.
•asked if the moon meant we should do this at night? “Yes”
• at some point we had gotten the giggles from smoking beforehand- (her bf J is a skeptic and was making fun) and when we tried to apologize the board said no. Kept talking to us after a minute though.
•when asked for a name, moved to zero.
•when asked if they would tell us how old they are again; said “yes” then “x” then “0” (zero)
•when asked for gender; “0”
•I can’t remember the context and wish I had better notes but every once in a while it would go to “M”
2.) •originally very weak
•moved very slow to the sun- I assumed it was telling us we forgot the candle lol
•actually started working better once we lit a candle??
• told us name was “D”
•was using the in between of yes and no as a maybe??
•said “yes” it does miss the cats
•said “maybe” it likes when people are down here
•said “yes” the cats are still here
•moved to the black space
•when her boyfriend J, the skeptic, came home the board said goodbye
3.) •LED lights started glitching. We said goodbye to fix them quick.
•when asked for age began slowly and steadily moving through the numbers and I got a bad feeling it was going to go through all the numbers so We moved it back up to the top.
•tried going through the alphabet next. This time Alex got the bad feeling and wouldn’t let it finish.
•”K” “A” “T” “the sun” “S”
•When asked for name; “D”. At first we thought J was messing with us because he hadn’t done it with us until this reading. But we didn’t tell him about the second time we had used it yet. Definitely had not told him someone by “D” had talked to us in the basement.
I came home and started noticing these black rock everywhere. Little pocket sized black stones in the corners of rooms. Usually I would’ve recognized right away they were warding stones- I like to research stuff like that even if I don’t believe it 100% just because I like that era and enjoy the aesthetic of it all. But for some reason I started picking up theses rocks and I had four of them before I remembered what they were. Which is odd. Not like me. I’m not trying to imply anything but it was noticeably something I wouldn’t do.
Overall; I could just be crazy. Maybe it’s hereditary lol... But now I’m obsessed with researching the ouija board and the things it tells us. I feel like I’ve got a mystery that needs solved and what better place to figure it out than the public internet? If there’s a scientific explanation for this...
We’re doing another session tomorrow in MY basement this time. So far we’ve been doing it at Alex’s house- but she legit just texted me that her metal Guinness sign- that’s been hanging just fine for yearS-fell with nothing touching it.
Im continuing this a few days later; we’ve had an even stronger experience with the board. I don’t know how the hell to explain this but I swear neither of us could’ve been messing with each other. I have a voice memo we started as soon as the board was put away- we were essentially frantic.
4.) •spoke with my grandmother
•she didn’t recall where she died in her house- I asked a bunch of loaded questions such as “did you die in your bed? On the couch? By the door? On the floor?”- My friend would have no way of knowing that my grandmother was too high to get out of her apartment during a fire let alone know where she died.
• Alexs hand began dripping with sweat as if she had condensation- I mean there was in the most literal terms a puddle of sweat on the board by the end of it
•asked the first letter of which child we have a picture- in the livingroom drawer- of her with; correctly answered “P” for my eldest brother.
•apparently spoke with my aunt and uncle who passed away as well. When asked the first letter of what type of smokes he bought; “D” for decades. When asked what gas station we would always take him to “7” answer; 7-11.
•I’ll skip over the rest of us verifying we were speaking with family members with questions the other person couldn’t have possibly known.
•when asked how many sodas were in the fridge; 12. Once we were finished we went upstairs and We counted 11 the first time- but then I found a twelfth can behind the milk that my brother had hid and we both shit our pants
I wish I could remember more full detail- but we were absolutely rattled. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced something you can’t explain- but it is the most unsettling phenomenon.
She had work so left; but later As I left for her house to talk about all this crazy shit- my lights rapidly flickered for a whole second. I could hear the ting on the glass of filament breaking like when a light bulb goes out. But it didn’t go out. I thought nothing of it as I was leaving, but I had left my keys and when I re entered the room the same thing happened.
I had a wild thought that this could be paranormal- “if that’s you.. do it again”
The light went out for a second. Then on. Then flickered. I nearly pissed myself. My mom came out of her room and as I heard her door opening it flickered subtly and stopped flickering all together. This lamp is now permanently unplugged lol.
Alex didn’t want the board in her house, and I had no where else to hide it from my mother than under the couch in the basement.
So last night was the first night I spent with it in my house. I didn’t sleep until the sun came up. I couldn’t- I was wide awake for some reason. I’ll bullet what happened.
1am-
got home; dog wouldn’t go out.
2am-
grabbed a soda- our fridge is next to the basement stairs; could’ve sworn I saw something in the door crack- movement on the landing of the stairs; spent the next couple minutes opening and closing the door convincing myself I was just tripping.
3am-
My digital alarm clock had to of turned off and on at some point because the time had reset to 12am; I didn’t even realize it until three was almost over. Around 2:30 I had started to ignore the clock so I could live in ignorance lmao. When I realized three was over, the clocks time meant it shut off and on around 3:30.
4am-
I never have to pee in the night but I guess I drank a lot of water. I have a rescue dog that’s been registered as an emotional support animal. NEVER leaves my side. Even when I’m manic and up at 5am he’ll sit outside the bathroom door and wait to walk back with me. Tonight he was awake but wouldn’t budge. Extremely unsettling; but I believe that fear feeds the activity so I chose to go to the bathroom anyways.
You know that feeling you get when you know someone’s about to rush past you in the hallway- or about to step on the heel of your shoe? Imagine that feeling but dipped in dread- that’s the only way I can describe my walk back from the bathroom. I knew if I just looked I could put myself at ease- but I could not bring myself to do it. Looking back I remember feeling like it wasn’t worth it to risk a look; but that doesn’t make much sense to me now. I came back in the room and my dog was sitting straight up on my bed- no wagging to see me- no wiggles- just sat there until I was like “buddy? dude??” And he laid back down.
The rest of the night was uneventful and I couldn’t get a wink of sleep until I saw the sun through my blinds.
I don’t know what to do with this board- I don’t know if I should get rid of it, give it away, donate it- but part of me wants to take this as an opportunity to understand something greater than myself. I know that almost every religion recognizes ouija but does NOT think it’s a good thing- which has to mean on some level this has to be real. I’ve read a lot about people becoming obsessed with it and truly going crazy- And I lowkey want to delve into this- I want to understand it and how it works and why. Maybe it’s hereditary lol.
I want to know how the fuck all of this has happened.
Update:
I just removed it from my home, I put it in my car.
My perspective I was arguing has changed- some things don’t need answers. Better left unsaid. Ignore my comments. The board box had moved. Noticeably further under the couch in the basement- I thought it wasn’t there for a moment and pissed myself a little, I’ll admit.
Any information on proper disposal of an extremely active ouija board would be highly appreciated.
NOTHER UPDATE:
bRUH MY DOG IS FREAKING ME OUT OVER MY CLOSET.
Toby losing his SHIT
He’s literally trying to get at the closet?? And hes fucking nose to the wall???
I hope this will be the FINAL UPDATE before the board is finally properly disposed of:
I showed my mom the video of my dog- partially to give her a heads up if anything freaky is going to happen- partially because I desperately wanted her advice even if it’s not on the whole truth. I told her about my lights flickering, my spooky night, and my dogs behavior.
She says I’m being attacked and need to find my faith in god. We spoke for hours on religion, and theories for why and how our plane of existence has these unexplainable things.
At some point my brother shared a story (which is in the comment section I don’t want to be redundant) and said that when he feels the presence I felt in the hallway last night- THE CRAZY SOAB CHARGES IT??? He says it always draws away to where you can’t see or confront it, but claimed he had it to the point where it wouldn’t go past the kitchen. This shook me to my core to hear my brother talk so casually about it because he never acknowledges that anything happens- EVER. But it also reaffirmed my belief that things can only do what you allow- and believe- that they can. Which is comforting.
My dog began barking at the stairwell to the basement. For no fucking reason. Link;
Hair up- Tail straight but trembling- Growling- Barking-
We burned hella sage and my mom said the first and only prayer I’ve ever known by heart; the same one that made the shadows go away when I was a little girl. I’ll share it with y’all in case it helps anyone.
“In the name of god, Most gracious and most merciful; Master of the day of judgement, and ruler of that day; It is thee that we worship, And thine aide we seek, For thee is the one true god. Show us the straight way, lord, bestow us your grace. Whos portion is not wrath, And who go not astray.”
Helps to add; “in the name of god- evil is not welcomed here. GO AWAY.”
(P.s I know this sounds like religious garb to anyone who isn’t religious, but hey if it works it works. And if there’s bad shit out there that only proves you should believe in some of the good shit. I’m not saying I believe in any one religion particularly, but they’re onto something with this singular “higher power” concept for sure. My mom says it’s like trying to show a blind man an elephant. We will always marvel at the pieces of an image; but can’t comprehend its actuality.)
I feel a lot better now, I’m still keeping my grandmothers silver cuff on- but I really think we’ll be just fine. I can’t see the activity escalating any further, and feel as though it’s mostly resided. I bet we’ll have to burn sage and pray it away every once in a while, but for now things are ok.
submitted by RoxxiRoe to Paranormal [link] [comments]

I'm stuck in a dark place...and I need some advice. Please

It took alot for my boyfriend to write this, so I helped him, and I hope someone can give some advice or just a read, is all I ask. This is his story....
I was born in California, and me and my family moved to NY when I was barely a year old. My family being my grandparents, their 3 children (my mom and 2 uncles) and myself. My dad was killed before we moved...he was only 16. I wish he was here til this very day, and maybe my life wouldnt be as fucked up as it is. But I cant blame anyone but myself for my actions.
Anyway, I was basically raised by my grandparents up until my younger teens and my grandmother played a very important role in my life. So did my grandfather. Not saying my mother or uncles didnt but my grandparents raised me basically.
I grew up in a small decent town. Always was told I was smart and hung out with the older crowd. Was a quiet kid. I dropped out in 11th grade and got my GED. Why? Dont ask me...a couple of my good friends had dropped out at the time and I think I wanted to follow them. Probably one of the first big mistakes of my life. I dont know why I dropped out, I never failed a grade or anything at that point in life, and actually was blessed to be very smart and could of basically successfully taken any route in life I put my mind to. But instead I dropped out and started running the streets thinking it was cool at the time. Drinking, throwing parties, going to the studio (writing and making music has always been a passion) and just doing reckless teenager shit.
Out of all the friends I had, I was very close to 6 of them. 6 of those friends whom I considered brothers who always had my back as I did theirs. I started smoking weed when I was 16 and drank here and there but at the time weed was my drug of choice...
Right before my 17th birthday I tried some coke, and it became a party drug for me. I would smoke weed everyday, and drink on the weekends doing coke with friends. I was always able to keep some type of income coming in, and moved out when I was about 22 after i met the love of my life who I'm with til this very day. We had got a place in town, and not long after got a car. Life was good.
At this point in time, I started to make decisions I didnt know was going to effect me til this day, 11 years later. Shortly after, me and her got our own place. I started selling coke to keep some money flowing when I wasnt working. She didnt necessarily approve of it, but the money I was bringing in was good. She also didnt know I was using coke, I always kept it from her because shes a mirror of me. I didnt want to see such a beautiful woman doing that type of shit. Especially the one I loved.
We were living in that place for about 2 years.
One night at the new place me and one of the 6 friends I basically considered a brother were playing dice in my kitchen with my other 5 friends. We'll call him T. Me and T were rolling dice, betting, having a good time......until the stakes got high, and tensions rose. We ended up having some words over a bet, and almost faught. We almost faught because I had him up so high, and he had still owed me $300 I let him borrow the previous week to give his son a good birthday and I just felt he was trying to get over on me. The air got thick, and I brought it up how I felt like he was trying to play me and we ended up arguing resulting in me throwing him out in front of our 5 other good friends. 10 minutes later I started to feel bad (idk why but I have a good heart even when ppl fuck me over) I called him because I was going to apologize and go pick him back up but he didnt answer. Oh well.
2 nights later....
I pulled up to the gas station to grab some gas, at about 1am. As I pulled up to the pump I noticed my mom also pulling in, parking into a parking space further from my car. As she got out and didnt notice I was at the pump I ran over to her as she was about to walk into the store.
"Hey what's up mom, what you doing out this late?" "Oh hey, I'm just grabbing some cigarettes for tmrw, im almost out" "Can I use your lighter" I asked...i wanted to light my blunt i had in the car. "Yeah" she says as she reaches in her pocket, looking towards her car. "Here just buy one, I think I left mine home, I have to get going" She handed me a 20 dollar bill and ran to her car and pulled off. As she was pulling away I'm thinking, what the hell? That was odd. At that point I knew something was up. But didnt know what. I shook it off.
I got gas, I left the gas station and went home. I smoked my blunt when I got home and my phone went off...it was one of my licks (someone who was a frequent buyer). She asked if i would trade her a ball for her script of Oxy 10s. At the time I knew those sold just as good, if not better, than the coke. And the script was a 90 count. I sold balls for 150 and I knew I could sell that script for 450 if not more. That wasnt even a question for me. Told her to bring em, I hooked her up and she she went on her way.
That following weekend I remember coming home, opening my drawer, going into my stash and doing one more line, after a long night of partying. I sat in the kitchen and finished a drink I poured as I tried to come down. I went to bed and tossed and turned, and after a night of coke and ciroc, the room kept spinning and I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went in my cupboard to get some tylenol PM when I seen the oxy bottle. I thought, you know what. I'm gunna pop one of these bad boys, I bet that will get me some sleep. Opened the bottle, slid one out, grabbed some water and swallowed one. I sat in my living room and turned on my ps3, and played COD until I felt the effects.
About 45 minutes into playing, I noticed not only did my comedown come WAY down, I felt good. Really good. Next thing you know its 9am and my girls waking me up on the couch. I had fell asleep with the controller in my hands.
At this point I started using the oxys to come down everytime I sniffed coke. And that was probably 3 times a week.
I got a phone call at about 3am later that week from one of the 6 friends I considered a brother. We're going to call him J. J called me and was frantic. I could hear in his voice he was scared, very scared. I asked what the hell is wrong man? What's going on???? He says, "listen me and my girl just got into a big fight. She kicked me out and now I'm walking the streets. I have no where to go and have warrants man please pick me up and let me stay over just for tonight." I told him without a doubt, went and picked him up and let him stay in my studio. (I had put about 7,000 towards a home studio which I had a room dedicated to which also had a twin bed off to the corner.)
Me and him went into the studio, talked about his problems, I tried to ease him, we smoked and I went to bed.
The next day I got up, went in the studio, and he was gone. I picked up the phone dialed his number, and he answered.
"Where did you go??" I asked.
"I had one of these guys I know picked me up to get a couple things from my house but I'm on my way back right now, he wants to know if he can buy a ball" he says.
"I dont know him bro, you know how we get down, I mean if you trust him, you can give it to him and just pay me but I dont know him" I said.
"Ok I'm on the way" he replied. 10 minutes later he shows up, I look out the window and theres like 3 ppl in the car. He got out by himself, came upstairs, I give him the ball, he gives me the money and he goes straight into the bathroom. 5 minutes go by, I knock on the bathroom door, ask if hes alright, "yeah coming out now " he replied. He dapped me up coming out of the bathroom, said hed be back, and left.... I didnt hear from him all day.
That night I picked my girl up from work at 11pm. I pulled into my driveway, we both came upstairs. "SHIT" my girl says. "I still have the keys for the med box on me, I need to go back and drop them off for the next shift, I'm not supposed to bring them home" I gave her the car keys and she bolted out the door in a rush "Be right back babe" she says. Not even 30 seconds after she walked out the door, there was a knock....
Not even thinking to check out the window to see who it was, I figured it was her to run back in and grab her cellphone she had forgotten, so I unlocked the dead bolt and opened the door. Boy was I wrong....
As I opened the door, all I could remember was staring into a set of eyes behind a ski mask as he quickly began to choke me. He choked me until I literally couldnt breathe and threw me backwards, into my glass coffee table. As I laid there in broken glass, I tried to get up as quick as I can as he went for the door to shut and lock it back up when he turned around and grabbed me. We wrestled around for a couple seconds in glass and he gained a full mount on top of me, choking me again. He was saying "dont try anything stupid or you're dead, pulled out a machete and put it to my throat. As I sat there bleeding from the glass, sweating, breathing as hard as I ever did, I stared in his as and nodded my head yes. At this point I knew I was going to die if I kept trying to fight back. So I started to comply. Remind you, I'm in sweats, my gun is under my couch cushion, and all I'm thinking is "just work with him, get him calm, and go for the gun". As I shook my head to imply I'm surrendering, he says, "I just want the coke. Give me the coke and I wont kill you" "where is it" he says, as hes looking towards the kitchen as if he knew it was somewhere in there. He put the machete back to my throat and says "sit Indian style with your hands behind your back" at this point I knew he was going to kill me, and the way he looked in the kitchen where the coke was, I thought this was someone that already knew where it was. I didnt recognize his voice, so I'm thinking someone tipped him off and this was a set up.
As soon as he ordered me to sit Indian style with my hands behind my back, I got up as quick as I could and went for my gun.
We started wrestling again.
He was much stronger than I was, and after a couple blows as he gained control, he was back in the dominant position. He told me to get on my stomach as he took his machete and put it to the back of my head as he started flipping my couch cushion. He found the gun, grabbed it, and started laughing. He cocks it back, made sure one was in the chamber, and goes "if you try some silly shit like that again I'll blow your head off. Now stay still"
As I laid there on my stomach, he started opening closets. The second one he opened was in the hallway where I kept my towels and other miscellaneous crap. He grabbed a towel, and some clear masking tape I had in there, used his machete to cut the towel in half vertically, tied my hands behind my back, along with with my feet, all together, in a hog tie sort of style and dragged me to the kitchen. At this point I thought I was done. In my head I'm saying my prayers and started to tear up. This was my last night of my life I'm thinking. He found the coke, did a giant line in front of me, and put the rest in his pocket. About $800 worth I had left that he took. He then proceeded to drag me into my bedroom and started going through the closet and all my drawers. I just sat there, tied up in silence. He found a few more hundred dollars I had in the drawer along with mine and my girls ID. He knelt down and shoved my girls ID in my face.
"Do you wanna see her ever again?" He yells.
I yelled, "please, just go man, you got what you came here for"
He replies, "if she shows up right now, you know I have no choice but to kill the both of you right?"
"Just go man, please" I uttered. Knowing her job was only 5 minutes away, and about 15 minutes had passed, I knew she was bound to show up at any second.
"PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU TO JUST LEAVE DUDE" I implied, still hogtied, bloody, and shaking.
"I want you to count to 60, and do not get up until you count to 60. I wanna hear you count out loud. If you try any funny shit you're dead."
"Ok, ok" I replied.
He ran out the room as I started to count. As I got to 20, I started to get up and tried to untied myself as I was still counting when he ran back into the room suddenly and boom.....
I woke up to my girlfriend on top of me sobbing, screaming, "WAKE UP PLEASE!!!!" Slapping me.
I'm disoriented. Everything's a blur. As I started to come to, my girlfriend was balling her eyes out. She started hugging me, asking me frantically what had happened. I noticed my left eye was swollen shut. My glasses were gone. And I had a lump on my temple the size of a golf ball.
He hit me, I thought to myself.
He must have hit me with something other than his fist with the damage I had to the side of my face.
"Thank you" I kept repeating to my girlfriend. "Thank you baby". She looked at me confused as hell and says, "for what?!? What the hell happened ?!?"
"Thank you for not coming home when that happened. I just got set up and if you would of walked in that door, we both would of had a bullet with our name on it with my own gun." I said.
I explained to her what had happened and we both decided to leave that night. Not knowing who, how or what necessarily just happened I was confused. I needed to get away and think straight.
Who did this to me? Who set me up? Why would this happen, I try to show everyone extra love with all my power who the hell would do this to me?
I had a couple things in mind, a couple people on my radar as you might have had as well reading this, but I didnt know for certain. I had to do some digging.
That night we packed and left to stay with my uncle until we could find another place.
I got a phone call not long after this had happened and it wasnt good. My grandmother....she was sick. My mom had called me and told me we were all going to her drs appointment the next day because shes getting tested and stuff for cancer.
Oh my god. Cancer. I immediately started praying in tears.
The next day the family went to the hospital with her. Impatiently waiting in that room beside her bed with my mother and grandfather, as the doctor came back in. The look on his face told it all. I let out a yell from deep inside of me.
"NO, PLEASE TELL ME NO" I yelled.
"I'm sorry" the doctor says. "The mass in your lungs, is cancer'
My grandfather let out a scream I've never heard before. "Jesus christ, please tell me different " he says My mother started crying her eyes out. I couldnt believe it. I look over at my grandmother and she was staring at the ceiling. Calm. Her eyes started to water as she looked over at us, and says "it's okay, please stop crying, its ok" Growing up, my grandmother has always been the strongest person I knew. And she was the calmest one in the room at that very moment.
As time went on, I moved into my grandparents and vouched to take care of her, as her health deteriorated over time, and eventually got put on hospice.
I will never forget the day she went. She was very sick that day. Kept going in and out of it, and wasnt acting normal at all. I called my mother and told her. My mother rushed over along with my uncles and sisters, and as soon as everyone sat in the living room with my grandmother in her recliner, she put her head down and passed. It's as if she was waiting for everyone to get there to go. As she put her head down the room filled with this unexplainable air. Everyone started crying, as I walked over to her, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her and grabbed her hand and couldnt let go as my eyes are pouring tears.
I will always remember the night before she passed. I kept a baby monitor in my room and one in hers, everytime I heard her at night struggling or anything out of the ordinary I would rush to her room and make sure she was ok. The night before she passed, I'm laying in bed and I heard her over the monitor trying her all to say something. I rushed into her room and asked if everything was okay. She looked at me and struggled to get enough air in her lungs to say, "i.....love....you...very....much.....thank....you....baby" I grabbed her hand and tried not to cry and told her, "dont thank me grandma, that's what I'm here for. To make sure you're okay" she smiled and gripped my hand tight. I kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her. Not knowing she was going to pass that next day.
This is starting to get very hard for me to write so I'm going to wrap it up.
Basically the night I seen my mom at the gas station and she was acting weird...well I found out she was with T. Yeah, the T I called my brother growing up. I think he felt some type of way the night we fought in front of our friends, or maybe he felt embarrassed. Embarrassed to the point where he wanted revenge. They got together and are still together til this day. I beat myself up time and time again, always remembering that night we were rolling dice betting, and always say to myself, damn it, why cant you ever be more humble with people. Especially your friends, it didnt have to go down like that and you didnt have to kick him out and embarrass him in front of everyone. It's something I beat myself up about everyday. The way I get with people when I feel betrayed.
Today I have major trust issues and always have my guard up. I tend to not let anyone in anymore.
Oh....and The guy who ran up in my house....I got set up by J. My other boy I called "brother". I guess the day I called him after he left when he said he had a lick, that's who it was for. It was for the guy that took my pride and robbed me in my own house. The guy that ran up in my house and tied me up.
Remember when I said J went into the bathroom after i gave him the coke that day? Well he went in there to cut it. He cut the ball so bad, it was basically all fake when he went and served the guy up, and the guy pressed J about it, and J told him everything; Where my coke was, what my girls work schedule was like, etc., so this guy can plot on me and come at the right time when I was alone. He was outside the whole time waiting for me to get back home that night and when my girl left, that was his opportunity.
I'm trying to go into as much detail as I can but this is not only a struggle to write about, but is getting long and I want this to be read. I need help.
I basically turned to what i knew at the time made me feel best, and those were the oxys. I really started abusing them until it came to the point where I either couldn't find them anymore or they were too expensive and at this point I'm withdrawaling. At which point I started sniffing heroin, and now i have a powder fentanyl habit that's high as the sky. Each and every time I get high, thinking and grieving. Wishing I could turn back time.
I can say a few things tho. Thank god I'm terrified, literally terrified of needles or i probably would have shot up a long time ago. And I thank god I'm still alive. Out of the past few years of me sniffing fentanyl, I overdosed 1 time, and if it wasnt for my girl hearing me fall on the kitchen floor at midnight waking her, I would of died on that floor that night. They had to bring me back to life that night.
I've pushed the little family I have away over this bullshit, and my life is in shambles. I've considered suicide a few times in my life throughout this hell journey but never had the balls to do it and always remind myself I'm better than this.
Today I'm currently laying down in my room in rehab. I'm 20 days clean, for the first time since I started popping oxys 5years ago. But it's hard. Very hard. I dont know what to do when I get out and I'm scared. Any words of motivation or advice would be appreciated. I know this was a long one and it was very hard to write and this probably wont get read because its so long, and probably isn't even 35% of what I've gone through in my life, but I just want to open up about this. Something I've never done as a quiet humble person. I'd need to write a book if I wrote about everything. Things that movies are made from. I'm still alive and I know it's for a reason.
If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to at least read about some of my journey and any words of advice, courage, or wisdom will be much appreciated. I lost everyone, and the only one helping me til this day is my girl and my mom. Everyone else that truly cared I pushed away during this time.
I'm lost and just want my life back. I know I'm better than this but I'm losing hope by the day.
Reminding you, this is my boyfriend of 11 years' story. He wrote it, I posted it. I help him write as well....and encouraged him to tell this story.
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Flatten the Curve. Part 44. Bill Gates Rumored Doomsday Bunkers. Bill Gates Hoarding. Rockefeller Institute & Unethical Human Experiments. Toxic Dust Storms and Covid-19. It's Hidden in Plain Sight. Wake up.

Part 43 is here
Listen up. Do you have a gnawing feeling that something isn't right? A gut instinct? Is your intuition leaving you in a state of vigilance? Is your spidey sense tingling? Do you feel like the truth is hidden in plain sight, but you can't quite see it?
You're not alone.
So what is the truth and why won't they just tell us? They aren't going to tell us the truth because most of us can't handle the truth. They experiment on live subjects in the past, but suddenly they've seen the light? Suddenly they've found morality and embraced truth and ethical behavior?
The Stateville Penitentiary Malaria Study was a controlled study of the effects of malaria on the prisoners of Stateville Penitentiary near Joliet, Illinois, beginning in the 1940s. The study was conducted by the Department of Medicine at the University of Chicago in conjunction with the United States Army and the State Department. At the Nuremberg trials, Nazi doctors cited the precedent of the malaria experiments as part of their defense. Link Here
Any day that Nazi Doctors use your experiment as a defense for Nazi medical experiments is not a good day.
Let me show you one other part of the puzzle that you need to read. Let me show you that at some point the money, power, or even the scientific research can detach some individuals from reality.
"A number of years ago, we talked about, 'What if there wasn't clean water? What if there wasn't enough food?" she said on the radio show. "Where might we go? What might we do as a family?' So, I think we should leave those preparations to ourselves." The only thing they did not prepare, however, was the vaccine or a treatment for the virus that would cause a pandemic, though she acknowledged how "lucky" she and her family are to be in a position of privilege when it comes to dealing with COVID-19. "What we mostly talk about now in our home every night is how lucky we are," she continued. "We understand our privilege. When we say our grace at night, what we're thankful for around the table, is that we aren't struggling to put a meal on the table as so many families around the world are." Link Here
Yep. Sure thing Melinda. You guys just sit around the dinner table (like us normal plebs) and talk about how lucky you are to have food. Then you went out and stocked up your basement. Maybe they hoarded all the toilet paper because they're so full of crap they can use TP to wipe their mouths with after they speak. And what a minute, isn’t hoarding food bad? And aren't billionaires just hoarding cash? Different rules for different people, and it makes no difference what they say publicly when it's still just the same crap.
August 7, 2019 | Many of the world's elite, including hedge fund managers, sports stars and tech executives (Bill Gates is rumored to have bunkers at all his properties) have chosen to design their own secret shelters to house their families and staff. Gary Lynch, general manager of Texas-based Rising S Company, says 2016 sales for their custom high-end underground bunkers grew 700% compared to 2015, while overall sales have grown 300% since the November US presidential election alone. Link Here
So which basements were you stocking Bill? I'm betting you stocked all of them. But that article really made it sound like you personally went grocery shopping, didn't it?
And there's that year again, 2015. The same year as the Bird Man plauge doctor video, coronavirus and bats possible pandemic discovered, CRISPR-Cas9 gene editing went mainstream, and the Billy Boy pandemic warnings started with a Ted Talk, then the Doomsday Bunkers elite MKultra wealthy segment jumped by 700%.
That's not a good sign.
It's all connected. All of it. We might not know how. Or who's doing what. Or how bad our current ELE events will become, but we need to at least get an outline of the big picture, before the big picture turns into the Main Event.
As far as I'm concerned, there is no possible way our present unexplained mysteries aren't prognosticators of upcoming calamities.
No. Way. At. All.
Let's throw the spotlight back onto our pandemic. It's all plain and simple when you accept the government's and the medical community's word at Face(book) value. Our leaders tell us to Keep Calm and Carry On. Just take two official narrative pills and wait for the vaccine. It's all good. Honestly. Listen. Trust. Obey.
1913 to 1951: Dr. Leo Stanley, chief surgeon at the San Quentin Prison, performed a wide variety of experiments on hundreds of prisoners at San Quentin. Many of the experiments involved testicular implants, where Stanley would take the testicles out of executed prisoners and surgically implant them into living prisoners. In other experiments, he attempted to implant the testicles of rams, goats, and boars into living prisoners. Stanley also performed various eugenics experiments, and forced sterilizations on San Quentin prisoners.[13] Stanley believed that his experiments would rejuvenate old men, control crime (which he believed had biological causes), and prevent the "unfit" from reproducing.
Whelp, at least you could say that Dr. Stanley had the balls to carry out his experiments.
Tuberculosis. Syphilis. Herpes. Influenza. Malaria. The medical society treated us to a rolodex of experiments.
In 1941, at the University of Michigan, virologists Thomas Francis, Jonas Salk and other researchers deliberately infected patients at several Michigan mental institutions with the influenza virus by spraying the virus into their nasal passages.[24] Francis Peyton Rous, based at the Rockefeller Institute and editor of the Journal of Experimental Medicine, wrote the following to Francis regarding the experiments:
It may save you much trouble if you publish your paper... elsewhere than in the Journal of Experimental Medicine. The Journal is under constant scrutiny by the anti-vivisectionists who would not hesitate to play up the fact that you used for your tests human beings of a state institution. That the tests were wholly justified goes without saying.
Wholy justified. Goes without saying. But we would never be so reckless with experiments today, no matter how justified, would we?
NY MAG. March 20
On January 13, less than a week after COVID-19 was identified as the virus behind the outbreak in Wuhan, researchers at Cambridge-based biotech company Moderna proposed a vaccine to fight it. A little over two months later, on Monday morning, a pharmacist in Seattle injected Rebecca Sirull with that vaccine, making her the third person to be injected in a 45-person clinical trial, the first human trial in the country. To rush the vaccine to clinical trial, Moderna skipped animal testing, a somewhat extraordinary measure. Sirull, a healthy 25-year-old editorial coordinator at a research institute, will receive a second injection in a month and have her blood drawn regularly for more than a year. Should the test be successful, the more optimistic estimates suggest that a vaccine could be available in 12 to 18 months. Intelligencer spoke with Sirull about her decision to take part.
Oh. Uhm. OK.
Jill Horowitz stood outside the Quaker Ridge Shopping Center in New Rochelle, N.Y.—an early COVID-19 hotspot—in March, stopping shoppers as they walked into the grocery store. She handed them blue pamphlets soliciting volunteers for a Rockefeller University antibody research study. “I would say, ‘Would you like to help us find a cure?’” says Horowitz, executive director of strategic operations at Rockefeller’s Laboratory of Molecular Immunology. “I didn’t even have to mention coronavirus. This neighborhood was completely subsumed.”
Yessiree ladies and gentlemen, step right up, roll up that sleeve, and get a poke to save all the good folks out there from the pandemic. The one that contaminates surfaces, but now doesn't spread through surfaces. The virus that you don’t need a mask for because a mask will make it worse. The virus you might need a mask for because it wouldn't hurt, but it's not airborne. Put on a darn mask because the virus is airborne. Maybe. But air-conditioning makes COVID-19 worse. So only wear a mask inside. The virus that worsens with pollution, but don't worry about putting on the mask outside. Because if you wear a mask you'll stop the second wave. But there might not be a second wave, it might just be one long continuous wave.
Is anyone else getting the impression that they don't have enough information about the virus to be issuing guidelines yet?
But I'm just being paranoid. I'm sure of it. That was then, and this is now.
Then: In a 1946 to 1948 study in Guatemala, U.S. researchers used prostitutes to infect prison inmates, insane asylum patients, and Guatemalan soldiers with syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases in order to test the effectiveness of penicillin in treating the STDs. They later tried infecting people with "direct inoculations made from syphilis bacteria poured into the men's penises and on forearms and faces that were slightly abraded . . . or in a few cases through spinal punctures". Approximately 700 people were infected as part of the study (including orphan children). The study was sponsored by the Public Health Service, the National Institutes of Health, the Pan American Health Sanitary Bureau (now the World Health Organization's Pan American Health Organization) and the Guatemalan government. The team was led by John Charles Cutler, who later participated in the Tuskegee syphilis experiments. Cutler chose to do the study in Guatemala because he would not have been permitted to do it in the United States. In 2010 when the research was revealed, the U.S. officially apologized to Guatemala for the studies. A lawsuit has been launched against Johns Hopkins University, Bristol-Myers Squibb and the Rockefeller Foundation for alleged involvement in the study.
That is so reassuring as we move forward, isn’t it? And don't give me any that was back then we've changed arguments. We haven't changed at all. Proof? Ok. Let's go.
This is a link to an LA Times article that talks about Bill Gates and his AIDS fight in Africa. You go Bill. Get them vaccines out to the people. You're such a good guy! That's what a New Normal article would say. This isn’t a New Normal article. It's scathing in it's judgment. They may not be dying of AIDS, or just living longer with AIDS, but they are dying due to other factors, which should be easily acquirable with the wealth at Bill's disposal to prevent.
But there was one item that caught my eye. It talked about a Paper Mill that was in a country in Africa, that Bill owned a substantial amount of stock in. This company owned paper mills in North America. Those paper mills were environmentally friendly with little emissions. But not the one in the African Country. Nope. Not at all. That one didn't bother with environmentally friendly processes.
The story goes on to discuss how one of Bill's AIDS treatment recipients lived downwind from this plant and how the fumes we're probably killing him. And what were the fumes?
Hydrogen Sulfide. (Read more at Flatten the Curve) - Part 13
Yes seriously. Treating them for AIDS while downwind from Hydrogen Sulfide. I'm not sure about you, but that sounds like a medical experiment to me. Seriously, the guy that wants to stop climate-change by geo-engineering the planet doesn't use his clout to stop the pollution from a paper plant that he owns stock in. OK. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
Yet actually it might. No, seriously, it really might. I've already stated that the virus seems to be activated with environmental toxins. And here we have an ultimate real life laboratory. And what does this real life laboratory research?
Why maybe it researchers Miasma theory? Huh? Yep. Here we go.
The miasma theory is an obsolete medical theory that held that diseases—such as cholera, chlamydia, or the Black Death—were caused by a miasma, a noxious form of "bad air", also known as night air. The theory held that epidemics were caused by miasma, emanating from rotting organic matter.
Rotting organic matter, like at meat plants?
May 7, 2020: www.wired.com | Why Meatpacking Plants Have Become Covid-19 Hot Spots.
June 23, 2020: https://www.bbc.com | Coronavirus: Why have there been so many outbreaks in meat processing plants?
And do you know what else was associated with Miasma Theory? The Bird Man plauge doctor, just like the 2015 "you're all dead" video.
The word miasma comes from ancient Greek and means "pollution". And then we have Covid-19 and pollution.
The idea also gave rise to the name malaria (literally "bad air") through medieval Italian.
Malaria? What? Crazy? Aren't there debunked studies about Malaria drugs working on COVID-19? Nah. Must be fake news. Right? Or fake facts. Or is it fake news reporting fake facts? I'm just so confused.
Does the strangeness end there? Sadly, it doesn't folks. Not at all. Not in this New Normal.
Because Mr. Bill Gates is trying to eradicate tuberculosis.
And, Hydrogen sulfide stimulates Mycobacterium tuberculosis respiration, growth
Back when I looked for information about the pandemic, I noticed something odd, the mortality rate for Covid-19 fluctuated depending on the region. Now I'm not a doctor, but you don’t have to be to read, do you? So I kept looking at the data for similarities. And they were there. Hypoxic or polluted water like lakes or coastlines. Cities with factory polluting emissions. They all led to outbrakes and higher mortality rates.
And then it changed. I saw ourbreak regions with low mortality rates. It didn't make sense, but there had to be a reason. There's always a reason. And as I kept looking at the similarities of low mortality rates something jumped out, a lot of them were still vaccinated for Mycobacterium Tuberculosis.
Yep.
But this is crazy talk Greek! You're just looking for dots and finding a way to connect them. It's just a coincidence that Bill Gates is funding AIDS prevention, an article exists that points out a therapy participant is close to a source of hydrogen sulfide emissions from a company that Billy has stock investments in, and that Billy also has a program to eradicate tuberculosis. Stop seeing patterns where they don't exist. You're freaking people out.
Crap. Perhaps you're right. Maybe I am freaking people out. But let me show you something else. It's something that I noticed about a month after this pandemic was shutting us down. And it didn't make any sense to me at the time. Ready?
www.pnas.org | BCG vaccine protection from severe coronavirus disease 2019 COVID-19.
BCG? What's that?
www.sciencedaily.com | Preliminary study suggests tuberculosis vaccine may be limiting COVID-19 deaths.
And then the studies started backing it up. Even betteworse, they linked it to Hydrogen Sulfide, endogenous not exogenous, but Hydrogen Sulfide is the same no matter if you breathe it in or produce it biologically.
So, yeah. Let's dig.
Endogenous Hydrogen Sulfide stimulates Mycobacterium Tuberculosis respiration, growth, and pathogenesis.
In mammals, H2S elicits a biphasic, concentration-dependent mitochondrial response14, which can be cytotoxic or cytoprotective. For example, at high concentrations H2S reversibly inhibits cytochrome c oxidase (Complex IV)15–17. In contrast, at low concentrations H2S can serve as bioenergetic fuel to stimulate mitochondrial respiration without uncoupling of respiration. Link here
At high concentrations Hydrogen Sulfide can be cytotoxic and reversibly inhibit cytochrome c oxidase. We've followed the White Rabbit and now we're digging. Can't stop now. Won't stop now.
Defects involving genetic mutations altering cytochrome c oxidase (COX) functionality or structure can result in severe, often fatal metabolic disorders.
Disorders involving dysfunctional COX assembly via gene mutations include Leigh syndrome, cardiomyopathy, leukodystrophy, anemia, and sensorineural deafness**.Link here.
Anemia? Like, the Momento movie? Do I have amnesia now and I have to live my life backwards?
Hold on, don't freak out. You don't have amnesia. Self inflicted amnesia induced systemically via behaviorally manipulated echo chambers introduced systemically through social media electronic pathways? Possibly. But this is anemia, and that's another story.
Current management of COVID-19 is based on the premise that respiratory failure is the leading cause of fatalities (Zhou et al., 2020). Nevertheless, mounting evidence points to drastic systemic events taking place that contribute to accelerated COVID-19 pathogenesis. The “cytokine storm” is a notion that is reportedly hailed as the hallmark of the COVID-19 hyper-inflammatory state (Mehta et al., 2020). Consecutive studies linked COVID-19 related hyper-inflammation to systemic events including hypercoagulability, oxidative stress and altered iron metabolism. Mehta et al., 2020, Phua et al., 2020
Hyperinflammatory and altered iron metabolism. Following? Good.
Coronavirus disease-19 (COVID-19) has been regarded as an infective-inflammatory disease, which affects mainly lungs. More recently, a multi-organ involvement has been highlighted, with different pathways of injury. A hemoglobinopathy, hypoxia and cell iron overload might have a possible additional role. Scientific literature has pointed out two potential pathophysiological mechanisms: i) severe acute respiratory syndrome-coronavirus-2 (SARS-CoV- 2) interaction with hemoglobin molecule, through CD147, CD26 and other receptors located on erythrocyte and/or blood cell precursors; ii) hepcidin-mimetic action of a viral spike protein, inducing ferroportin blockage. Link Here.
Hypoxia? Where have I heard that before?
A dangerous symptom of the coronavirus that can cause a patient to fall unconscious or even die is known as hypoxia — when the body’s tissues do not receive enough oxygen. Dr. Richard Levitan, an emergency doctor working in New York City, wrote for the New York Times at the end of April that he has seen COVID-19 patients with “alarmingly low” oxygen levels, but no shortness of breath. He describes this as “silent hypoxia”. These patients had oxygen saturation levels as low as 50 per cent when normal levels are usually at 94 to 100 per cent at sea level, Levitan explained. These patients had oxygen saturation levels as low as 50 per cent when normal levels are usually at 94 to 100 per cent at sea level, Levitan explained.
Low oxygen levels. Dysregulates immune system. Are your They Live sunglasses on? Are plugged into the Matrix or hacking the Matrix?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov | Hydrogen sulfide stimulates Mycobacterium tuberculosis respiration + growth.
Tuberculosis (TB) is responsible for millions of deaths each year and several billion people are latently infected with Mycobacterium tuberculosis (Mtb). Mtb modulates host factors, such as endogenous gaseous signalling molecules, to persist in humans for decades. H2S has diverse biological functions, including modulation of immunity and cellular respiration. However, the role of H2S in TB is unclear. We found that mice deficient in H2S production are more resistant to Mtb infection than WT mice. Upon infection, Mtb increases host H2S, which suppresses central carbon metabolism and increases inflammation. Distribution of H2S-producing enzymes in human TB lungs showed that H2S is produced at the site of infection. These findings identify glycolysis and H2S-producing enzymes as targets for TB host-directed therapies.
Don't Freak Out like LeChic, but I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Dorothy.
Speaking of Kansas, do you remember the dust storm as the tornado blew in and swept Dorthy to Oz?
The “Godzilla” Saharan dust cloud over the US, explained:
Dust clouds originate in the Sahara, the largest desert in the world outside the poles, and the Sahel, just south of the Sahara. Much of the dust originates in the Bodélé Depression in Chad, an ancient dry lake bed at the threshold of the Sahara and the Sahel. There, convective storms in the early summer whip the dry ground and loft particles of silica, iron, and phosphorous as high as 20,000 feet into the sky. Link Here
And then we have this:
Residents wear face masks to protect themselves from the Saharan dust clouds covering Dakar, Senegal. N95 masks and even surgical masks can help protect people from getting sick from the dust. Breathing dust can trigger problems like asthma attacks and worsen conditions like heart disease. But particles from natural sources can pose some unique threats. “Desert soil can also be contaminated with bacteria and fungal spores or with toxic heavy metal,” Achakulwisut said. “For example, in the US Southwest, dust episodes there have been linked to outbreaks of Valley Fever and arsenic poisoning.” Link Here
Contaminated with bacteria. Guaranteed Anaerobic bacteria. And it carries along metallic compounds. Like this:
**A 2001 study in Limnology and Oceanography suggested that the seasonal windfalls of iron-rich Saharan dust become a banquet for red tides, blooms of algae that spill into the ocean like dye, deplete it of oxygen, and release toxins. Dust clouds can also host unwelcome stowaways. Jun 24, 2020 Link Here.
Red tides. Blooms of algae. Or rather perhaps, Cyanobacteria blooms? All in a dust storm. Maybe we should start wearing masks, right? Don't want to breathe in toxic dust, do we?
But Snake Park is no paradise. For decades the residents have lived with the mine, which they say blows clouds of dust into their homes. Now Snake Park, formally known as Doornkop, is in the sub-district with the highest number of Covid-19 infections in Gauteng. Last week, Gauteng Premier David Makhura linked “cluster outbreaks” on mines, and people moving between them and where they live, to the Covid-19 infections in the western part of Soweto. In 2017, the Bench Marks Foundation, a nonprofit that monitors multinational corporations, released the results of a survey of household health in four mine-affected areas in Soweto. Mine tailings contain heavy metals and chemicals and cause various illnesses, including mental health issues and Down’s Syndrome. The report found that more than two thirds of the respondents in Snake Park complained about respiratory problems, including persistent coughs, sinus issues, asthma and tuberculosis. This year, the August dust storms in Snake Park will coincide with the expected peak of Covid-19 infections in Gauteng.
“We can’t breathe well. This mine is very dangerous. It’s toxic,” Phongoma says, adjusting his bright blue mask. Looking at the mine dump, now glistening in the afternoon sun, he adds: “It’s a bomb. It’s a nuclear weapon — and with this Covid-19 thing, it’s going to explode.” Link Here
Stranger and stranger, isn’t it? So strange that I would venture to say, Stranger Things haven't happened. You might want to read Flatten the Curve Part 39, and what I wrote about Turkmenistan and wearing masks for toxic dust. Link Here
So where are we now? Knowwhere or nowhere? Are you a nobody or a knowbody? Is this picture that I'm painting connecting enough dots for everyone? Does anticipating mass riots in protest of the upcoming environmental collapse, and the wars for natural resources along with it, make the centralization of the economy plus the mass surveillance system make more sense? The masks and facial detection AI improvements? Does ID2020, another Billy Boy project make more sense? The upcoming robotic automation of the workforce? The curtailing of civil rights? Heck, what about the Bill Gates endorsement of impossible meats and the sudden push to vegetarianism? Remember the meat plant shutdowns? Rotting organic matter and Hydrogen Sulfide?
Please remember, Hydrogen Sulfide outgassing is pretty consistent across past Extinction Level Events. Does this mean that all hope is lost? Puhlease. Hope flows abundant. We shut Pandora's Box before hope could escape, remember?
Let me leave you with one final thought. Words matter. Look them up. They know what's happening. They know all of this. The words they use hide it in plain sight.
I've written about Bill's fortuitous investment strategy. How he seemed to hit all the right stocks as the pandemic and environmental collapse strikes. It's mostly hidden in shell companies after shell companies, but it has to start somewhere. And it does. He owns Cascade Investment L.L.C. Link Here
Which: Oct. 22, 2014 · A subsidiary of Cascade Investments LLC, which oversees the Gates fortune, is buying thousands of acres of land in north Florida. Link Here
And what does Cascade mean? Let's look?
cascade (n.)
"a fall or flow of water over a cliff, a waterfall," 1640s, from French cascade (17c.), from Italian cascata "waterfall," from cascare "to fall," from Vulgar Latin casicare, frequentative of Latin casum, casus, past participle of cadere "to fall" (from PIE root kad- "to fall"). cascade (n.) a succession of stages or operations or processes or units;
To prepare. To fall. Interesting choice for a name.
Meteor showers occur when the earth bowls through a dense stream of debris left in the wake of a comet, asteroid, or other space-borne object. Depending on where you look, you may encounter fewer meteors, however. Viewers in the Northern Hemisphere will see shooting stars emanate from the shower’s “radiant” point in the southern sky, meaning the best meteors with the longest tails will be most readily visible in the east and west. A much more spectacular meteor shower — among the year’s most prolific — will pepper the skies with a spattering of bright shooting stars and “fireballs” come mid-August. The Perseid meteor shower peaks the night of Tuesday, Aug. 11. Dozens of shooting stars could be visible beneath a clear sky every hour. Perseid meteors zip across the sky at 37 miles per second. Their diaphanous tails can appear white, orange, yellow, pink, turquoise and even violet, lingering in the sky for a few seconds. The rainbow spectrum of colors come from the combustion of magnesium, sodium and iron. Link Here
Pepper the skies with fireballs. Fall from the skies.
Comet 67P's rotten-egg smell comes from hydrogen sulfide, and the horse-stable odor comes from ammonia. These scents are blended with the fainter almond smell of hydrogen cyanide, the vinegarlike odor of sulphur dioxide and the sweet-smelling scent of carbon disulphide, researchers said. Link Here
Hnmm. It definitely sounds like Bill was getting ahead of the curve before we started to Flatten the Curve, by being a good student and getting prepared before the hoarders bought up all the toilet paper for the upcoming SHTF event.
Wouldn't you agree? Are these all coincidence, or should we pay more attention?
They want us to Keep Calm and Carry On. When do people tell you to remain calm? When you start to panic. So do you really think they would tell us the truth and deal with panicking masses? Or do you think they would hide it?
Hide it in plain sight?
Keep your head up and eyes open. Talk soon.
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Offseason Review Series: The 2020 Indianapolis Colts

Indianapolis Colts

Division: AFC South

Coaching Changes

Colts lost defensive line coach Mike Phair to the Panthers and replaced him with Brian Baker who is most recently out of Alabama. Mike Groh reunites with Frank Reich as he was hired as wide receivers coach, while Patullo moved to the role of pass game specialist to accommodate. Tyler Boyles was signed on as the assistant to the head coach to replace Parks Frazier who is moving to offensive quality control coach.

Free Agency

Players lost/cut
Name Position New Team
Adam Vinatieri K Free Agent
Clayton Geathers S Free Agent
Joe Haeg T Buccaneers
Jabaal Sheard DE Free Agent
Eric Ebron TE Steelers
Devin Funchess WR Green Bay
Pierre Desir CB New York Jets
Quincy Wilson CB New York Jets
Adam hasn’t officially announced his retirement, but I doubt he comes back to the NFL. He struggled throughout the year before going on IR. Geathers is a great character guy who began the season as the starting strong safety, but slowly lost reps to the impressive rookie Khari Willis. Haeg is the only guy the Colts probably wanted back as he’s a capable backup at all five slots on the line. Sheard is getting up there in age, Ebron seems to have made a business decision, and Funchess was the worst affected in the week one Claviclysm when injured his clavicle alongside Hill and Foles while being the only one to miss the rest of the season. Pierre Desir was an unexpected cut this offseason after playing well enough through the year despite playing through an injury. Quincy Wilson was traded to the Jets after a few disappointing seasons.
Players signed
Name Position Old Team Length Money
Philip Rivers QB Chargers 1 Yr 25 Mil
DeForest Buckner DT 49ers 5 Yr 21 Mil/Y
Sheldon Day DT 49ers 1 Yr 1.75 Mil
Xavier Rhodes CB Vikings 1 Yr 3 Mil
Trey Burton TE Bears 1 Yr .91 Mil
Roosevelt Nix RB Steelers 1 Yr .96 Mil
TJ Carrie CB Browns 1 Yr 1 Mil
Let’s start with Philip Rivers. It’s clear that Jacoby Brissett is not the guy and the Colts had to make a choice. They went with a player that both head coach Frank Reich and offensive coordinator Nick Sirianni have worked with previously, which may be quite valuable as we implement the offense during a shortened offseason. Regardless, Philip underwent a dramatic statistical drop last year. I think he’s still got juice left in him and can make a great deal of good throws if he has a decent amount of room in the pocket. If you have some time, I recommend this video by The Scouting Academy featuring former offensive coordinator turned quarterback guru Steve Fairchild.
While DeForest Buckner was not technically a free agent, he was a massive departure from the Chris Ballard modus operandi of building through the draft. The team desperately needed a 3T and they traded their first round pick for one of the best in the league. Joining him will be recent teammate Sheldon Day who will likely take over quite a few snaps at the 1T.
Xavier Rhodes was signed on almost immediately after cutting Pierre Desir. He certainly seemed physically incapable of doing what was asked of him last year. Some players have called out the scheme change as a reason that Rhodes might return to form. Personally, I don’t quite see it and think his primary value on the team might be on using his intelligence as a veteran presence in a young CB room.
Of the remaining three, Trey Burton seems like a lock at TE2 after an injury filled stint with the Bears. Roosevelt Nix is an interesting choice as I expect him to continue his heavily blocking role he played with the Steelers as well as pick up a few more rushing snaps than he did with the Steelers as we lack a true fullback. Carrie is a guy that has a chance at being the backup slot behind Kenny Moore, but I don’t think he’s secured a spot yet.

Draft

Round Pick Name Position College
2 34 Michael Pittman WR USC
2 41 Jonathan Taylor RB Wisconsin
2 85 Julian Blackmon S Utah
3 122 Jacob Eason QB QB
4 149 Danny Pinter G G
6 211 Robert Windsor DT Penn State
6 211 Isaiah Rodgers CB UMass
6 212 Dezmon Patmon WR Washington State
7 213 Jordan Glasgow LB Michigan
Michael Pittman Jr, WR, USC 2.34 Grade: A
This man just feels like a Colt. He’s a physical player and will immediately slot in as Philip River’s YOLO target. He’s got great size and uses it well both in positioning himself against a receiver to win the ball as well as using his frame and forcing his way down field. Even on truly contested catches, he has great hands with only 5 drops against 176 catchable targets in college. Lastly, his frame and hand usage make him a valuable blocker, which is particularly valued by Frank Reich as he plans to run the damn ball.
Jonathan Taylor, RB, Wisconsin 2.41 Grade: A-
This man is going to run the damn ball. Let’s start by mentioning his toughness, with nearly 1000 rushes through three years. The man’s body doesn’t show any sign that it will ever give up. He has enough cutting ability to dodge the occasional tackle, but excels at using his physique and contact balance to force his way through a tackle. If the defense fails to collapse on Taylor quickly, they’re at risk of him taking off. Taylor was the fastest running back at the combine running a 4.39 at 225 pounds. Going 1-on-1 with him nearing full speed is almost a futile prospect. As he finds lanes behind probably the best run blocking line in the league, he’ll be plenty of trouble. Not without flaws, he’s had a somewhat questionable history with fumbles that will likely lead to plenty of time with Tom Rathman. He also has limited experience in the passing game.
Julian Blackmon, S, Utah 3.85 Grade: C+
Perhaps I’m being a bit too harsh on Blackmon because I’m slightly addicted to watching Pittman embarrass the Utah defense in the Utah vs USC game. Perhaps it’s just because I’ve watched limited tape and safeties struggle with getting on tape for failing in coverage more often than being particularly good in coverage. Either way, as the heir apparent to Malik Hooker’s starting free safety position, Blackmon feels in a way like the opposite player. While both players had an eye for the ball coming out of college, Blackmon feels overall much more inconsistent in coverage, but he also feels like a much more solid tackler. Blackmon is also a recent convert to safety from corner, so perhaps what I’m seeing is simply growing pains especially because my reviewed games are from early in the season.
Jacob Eason, QB, Washington 4.122 Grade: C+
Jacob Eason was a surprise drop for many who considered him a second round prospect. His arm is an absolute cannon belonging right in that Josh Allen tier of pure arm strength. Of course, he’s a fourth round pick for a reason. He struggles to work through his progressions, he can’t consistently throw with touch, and there are some huge question marks regarding his work ethic. There’s a whole lot of potential, but I’m not going to call the future franchise QB spot secured for the Colts yet. For the time being, I’ll call him a fine backup for a team that didn’t otherwise have a QB rostered for 2021.
Danny Pinter, G, Ball State 5.149 Grade: B-
Danny Pinter is an undersized prospect that is moving in to play guard after most recently playing as a tackle. As a tight end convert from a small school, he still lacks a lot of the technique and strength and conditioning that you would hope for in an NFL O-line prospect. I’ve seen him be pretty weak with his hand placement and he’s let the defender get into his chest a couple times. The upside here is Pinter’s mobility. He ran the second fastest 40 of all offensive linemen at the combine at 4.91 seconds at 306 pounds and put up respectable numbers for the remaining footwork related drills. Altogether a fine pick for a team with a solid offensive line that will hopefully have time to develop their rookie.
Robert Windsor, DT, Penn State 6.193 Grade: C
Robert Windsor has a good first step and a motor that doesn’t stop. That’s all the good I can say about him. Windsor doesn’t have the strength, length, or technique to make an impression. With the potential of Denico Autry moving to the edge, it seems like they might be looking at Windsor as a backup for Buckner. If Tyquan Lewis continues to be a disappointment in the limited camp, Windsor might just sneak onto the roster by need alone, which is the only reason I can bump my grade to a C, though perhaps I’m a little too critical as I felt there were a couple of other players that are more roster worthy.
Isaiah Rodgers, CB, UMass 6.211 Grade: A
Isaiah Rodgers is an absolute burner. His pro-day speed was 4.28. Admittedly hand timed is always faster, but he’s clearly quick on tape. A bit undersized at 5’10”, he’ll likely be relegated to the back end of the cornerback depth chart until he can develop into an NFL level corner, but his immediate value seems very obvious on special teams. His speed makes him a threat at kick returns and he’ll likely get tried out as a backup punt returner. As a gunner, he will gladly hit you with everything he’s got. Check this hit.
Dezmon Patmon, WR, Washington State 6.212 Grade: B+
Patman is an intriguing prospect. He’s got a great combination of size and speed. While easily compared to second round pick Pittman because of his physical traits, Patmon lacks a lot of the polish. Worse hands, worse route running, and doesn’t quite play to his size like Pittman does. Regardless, I expect him to find production in his rookie year as Frank Reich was playing with the most injured wide receiver core in the league last year and has proven an ability to scheme depth players open consistently. Lastly, I think his size and River’s tendencies towards giant players is going to come into play fairly often near the redzone.
Jordan Glasgow, LB, Michigan 6.213 Grade: B+
Glasgow isn’t a guy I want to see playing a lot of defensive snaps in a game. He’s technically refined enough, but physically doesn’t seem to have a very high ceiling. During the Middle Tennessee State game that I reviewed for him, Michigan used him plenty to blitz the quarterback where he was plenty effective, but I won’t pretend that he was up against top tier opponents. Ultimately Glasgow is going to be a special teams specialist after a college career where he excelled at special teams, which at the end of the 6th round is all you can ask for.

Roster

QB: 3 Rivers, Brissett, Eason
Things are pretty straightforward for the Colts this year. There aren’t any preseason games, so nobody can retire after one. Rivers is the starter, hoping to prove that his career isn’t over after a down year last year. Brissett is a capable enough backup. Eason is the team’s insurance for 2021 when no other quarterbacks are on the roster and will hopefully not have to start during what is sure to be an odd season. First man out is $wag Kelly, who seems mainly to hold a roster spot as a favor between Frank Reich and his old friend Jim Kelly.
RB: 4 Mack, Taylor, Hines, Nix
For a while at least, Mack gets to hold the starting job. It’s certainly a competition with Taylor’s level of talent and I expect a pretty even split over the course of the year. Despite some competition at the position, Hines may have his best year considering River’s appreciation for receiving backs. Rosie Nix is the new fullback from the Steelers who might get a few touches here and there, but exists primarily for his blocking ability. First man out is Jordan Wilkins. This is a contentious cut for Colts fans. Wilkins has an unusual level of highlight type plays that lend to his 6.0 yards per attempt over 51 carries last year. Alas, roster spots are at a premium and running backs are not.
WR: 6 Hilton, Pittman, Pascal, Campbell, Marcus Johnson, Dezmon Patmon
Hilton’s the obvious choice. After two years struggling with health issues, Colts fans are hoping their WR1 remains healthy for the whole year. Pittman comes in as a fairly polished candidate from the top of the second round in a stacked receiver class. He’ll hold down the X receiver immediately. Zach Pascal was a pleasant surprise for Colts fans last year. With a list of injuries above him, Pascal did his best as WR1 for several games last year and led the Colts in receiving yards. As a WR3, he’ll get less focus and still be fairly valuable. Campbell has shown plenty of big play ability, what he needs to show is durability. He suffered four separate injuries last year including training camp. Hopefully, it was just a fluke and he can show off more of what he can do with a ball in his hands. Marcus Johnson is a fan favorite after his Tampa Bay showing last year. After starting the season on injured reserve, he returned to the practice squad and eventually made the roster last year. Colts fans are hoping his 16.3 yards per reception last year and 17 yards per reception in 2018 weren’t flukes and can be duplicated on more snaps Rivers. Dezmon Patman comes in as a somewhat unrefined option. I’ve already mentioned his physical traits. With a little bit of help from Reich’s scheming, I think he’ll find a handful of receptions this year, particularly towards the red zone. The first man out here is Daurice Fountain. After moving to the active roster in mid-2018, Reece was a training camp hit in 2019 until suffering an ankle injury in camp. While he might compete for the position, I haven’t seen enough from him in the first two years to give him right of way over Johnson and the rookie Patmon.
TE: 3 Jack Doyle, Trey Burton, Mo Alie-Cox
Jack Doyle has been a reliable pass catcher and mauling run blocker for years. He’s solid in his position as a starter. Trey Burton reunites with Frank Reich and is only two years removed from having a 569 yard season with the Bears. After struggling with injuries last season, Burton is hoping for a return to form this season. Mo Alie-Cox was a bit disappointing as many were expecting more receiving stats, but he’s still a talented run blocker with plenty of potential for next year. With Rivers having an appreciation for big bodied receivers, perhaps the 6’5.5” receiver with a 7’1” wingspan will find a few jump balls his way.
OL: 9 Castonzo, Nelson, Kelly, Glowinski, Smith, Clark, Patterson, Pinter, O’Donnell
The Colts are lucky enough to return all 5 starting offensive linemen this year. Castonzo played some of the best football of his career last year and signed on for two more years after considering retirement for a while. Quenton Nelson is coming off his second First Team All-Pro year. Kelly is a great Center coming off a fairly healthy season and going into a contract year. Glowinski is the weak point of the line, but that’s not so much an insult to Glowinski as it is a credit to the rest of the team. He’s still a very serviceable guard. Braden Smith is surpassing my wildest expectations from the day he was drafted as a guard. With early 2018 injuries to the tackle position, Smith made the shift and has been great at the position. Beyond the starting five, things get a bit more questionable with a significant loss of depth this past year. Clark returns on a one year contract and will be taking over the swing tackle position now that Joe Haeg has left. Patterson suffered a torn ACL in his rookie year, but is the only center on the roster behind Kelly and not including Nelson who only holds the position so he can keep 56. Pinter seems like the obvious option as a backup guard. O’Donnell is a Canadian football prospect that I assume the Colts found at the East-West Shrine bowl where he played fairly well. The Colts need depth at tackle and I can see O’Donnell doing that. First man out is Eldrenkamp as a backup guard.
DL: 9 Autry, Buckner, Day, Houston, Turay, Stewart, Muhammad, Lewis, Banogu
Autry has largely played DT the past couple years and done a fine job of it. With Sheard leaving in free agency, I currently have Autry slotted as the guy to move outside and take over the job. Buckner is our 3T we’ve been looking for. I hopefully don’t need to say anything else. Sheldon Day is competing with Grover Stewart for the 1T spot. I’ve got Day listed as my starter, but for a position that will see plenty of rotation I don’t think it matters either way. Turay is the “if only” story of 2019. Houston had a surprisingly healthy year and racked up 11 sacks, tied for second most in his career. Turay showed a ton of talent in his few snaps prior to injury in 2019. Over the five weeks he played, he ranked second in PFF’s pass-rushing grade and pass-rush rate with a 22.9% pressure rate. If he can build on these past two years, Turay may be a monster. Tyquan Lewis is the disappointment of Chris Ballard’s 2018 draft. He’s struggled with a couple of injuries and he’s had a few healthy scratches that I haven’t heard anything verifiable to explain away. Alas, I’m leaving him in the lineup as a guy who is flexible enough to back up Buckner, but also play outside as need be. Banogu is another guy that has shown flashes here and there. First one out is Robert Windsor, who might take that 3T spot if Lewis doesn’t shape up in camp.
LB: 6 Leonard, Walker, Okereke, Speed, Adams, Glasgow
13 games, 5 Int, 2 FF, 7 PD, 5 Sacks, 121 Tackles. Darius Leonard put up some impressive stats last year and he’s aiming for the top. If he can pull off a 16 game season with similar stats, he’ll have an argument for DPOY. Walker is a smart player, if a little limited athletically and in coverage skills. I’ll keep him as the starter, but many fans are arguing for Okereke to take over the role. Okereke was PFF’s top ranked rookie linebacker last year, particularly for his athleticism and strength in coverage. EJ Speed had some limited play last year while Leonard was dealing with a concussion. He played fine, but has yet to show anything to get excited about. Glasgow takes the final spot primarily for special teams value. Adams has played a handful of snaps here and there, but is primarily going to be a special teams player. First man out is Zaire Franklin was only getting special teams snaps anyways.
CB: 5 Rhodes, Moore, Ya-Sin, Tell, Rodgers
Rhodes is hoping for a resurgence in a different scheme. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and give the former first team all-pro the nod as CB1. Kenny Moore II has been a great slot corner for the Colts these past couple years. He struggled with injuries for a long while to end out the year last year, but I fully expect him to continue his efforts to make himself a household name this year. Rock Ya-Sin was our rookie pick last year near the top of the 2nd round. He had some common rookie CB mistakes, but showed enough talent and growth to believe he has a high chance of taking over the CB1 role. Marvell Tell is an incredible physical specimen that the Colts took last year with the expectations of moving him to CB from Safety. With injuries to the cornerback position, he got a few more snaps than we were hoping, but he flashed a great deal. If Xavier Rhodes’s physical decline last season continues, I wouldn’t be completely surprised to see Tell starting over a healthy Rhodes. Rodgers is still very developmental as a corner, but holds plenty of value for special teams. First man out is TJ Carrie who would have been a fine slot backup in case Kenny Moore went down.
S: 5 Hooker, Willis, Odum, Blackmon, Milligan
Malik Hooker is entering the last year of his contract with the Colts after having his fifth year option declined. Hooker lit up the stat sheet his rookie year, but ever since the scheme change, has struggled to prove he was worth the draft position. With an improved pass rush this year, perhaps his sixth sense in finding the ball will come into play more often. Khari Willis was a pleasant surprise last year. It was clear the Colts liked him when Ballard traded draft capital to move up, but I wouldn’t have expected him to so clearly take over the starting strong safety position. On top of that, Willis played reasonably at free safety during Hooker’s injury last year. Odum is a solid backup who can play at both strong and free safety. Julian Blackmon is the new rookie who I assume is intended to be Hooker’s successor next year. For the time being he’s coming back from an ACL injury and may not be available until midyear, but as the successor to the starting position, I think it’s important to at least give him a spot for now. Milligan is a versatile player. He’s really a free safety, but played a bit of slot corner last year when Kenny Moore went down.
ST: 3 Blankenship, Sanchez, Rhodes
Hot Rod is my guess to be kicker. While McLaughlin played well enough for the Colts. Even with a 100% hit rate on extra points, there’s plenty of room for more consistency as he ranked 22nd overall in field goal percentage last year. It’ll be a tough contest in camp, but if I’m calling my shot with Hot Rod. Sanchez hasn’t played his best football these past couple years. I’m hoping someone else takes over kickoffs and Sanchez can focus entirely on punting in hopes of returning to form.

Position Group Strengths and Weaknesses

QB
The Colts QB room seems solid. I’m expecting Rivers to return to his typical self that still throws a decent amount of interceptions. Regardless, a quarterback that doesn’t constantly hold onto the ball for 3+ seconds playing behind this line is going to have plenty of opportunities to make great plays. For this year of all years, it seems like the value in having backup quarterbacks is going to be at an all time high and I don’t feel so bad about what the Colts have. I’ll call it a fairly average group until Rivers can prove his career isn’t over.
Backfield
The Colts have a group of good backs, but lack an elite option particularly when considering that none have proved themselves a threat in both the rushing and passing game at the moment. As a group, I’ll call it borderline top 10 in large part because any one of these players could get injured without it feeling season ruining as may be true with a few of the teams with top running backs.
OL
I have no complaints about the starting offensive line, the huge question mark is about the depth. The Colts were lucky enough to start the same five men all season last year, but one injury to Anthony Castonzo and Colts fans will have flashbacks to the five game stretch he missed in 2018 where Luck suffered 10 of the 18 total sacks on the season. Alas, many teams struggle with depth and I hope I don’t have to argue too much about this being one of the best groups in the NFL.
Pass catchers
By Adjusted Games Lost, the Colts had the single most injured wide receiver room last year. The single biggest thing that needs to be proven is that we can stay healthy across the board. If they stay healthy, the Colts are a mid tier group, but under the assumption that TY’s health issues these past two years continue, I’m forced to assume they’re a bottom third group until we can trust someone to be a true WR1 in most games.
DL
The Colts starting lineup seems pretty strong, but for a position group that we want to rotate with depth players on, I’ve gotta question what kind of play we’re going to see out of guys like Tyquan Lewis and Ben Banogu. As such, I’ll call this group middling overall.
LB
It’s just a solid group all around. The fact that we can’t decide between Okereke and Walker as starters is primarily a question of which is better, not which is worse. Behind them is plenty of serviceable depth that holds an important role in special teams.
Secondary
This is the one group with question marks at basically every spot. Can Rhodes return to All-Pro form? Was the apparent growth for Ya-Sin real and can it continue? Can Moore stay healthy? Can Tell develop into a starting safety? Can Hooker stay healthy after missing significant time these past two years and can he prove he’s worth his draft position?
Special Teams
What just one year ago felt like a solid group for kicking and punting, now feels a bit questionable. I don’t want to get so down about Rigo’s down year as it was still overall decent. With the new search for a kicker, I can’t complain about either of the current options and I don’t believe either will get nearly the leash that Adam Vinatieri got last year, so I’d say the floor there is much higher. The returning seems like it’s best in years after Hines has impressed and our return team overall just seems to be getting stronger. With the addition of Isaiah Rodgers, this may be a group to beat.

Schedule Predictions

Week 1: @ Jaguars (W)
Ah yes, the Jaguars. An eternal question mark for the Colts. Generally believed to be one of the worst rosters in the league, I’d have to agree. There are plenty of question marks on their defense that they’re hoping will be filled in by rookies. I would expect them to have growing pains even without a shortened offseason. Week one, this seems to weigh heavily with the Colts who’ve added strong veteran talent in Rivers and Buckner.
Week 2: vs Vikings (W)
Despite having one of my favorite drafts of the year, the Vikings have many of the same struggles as the Jaguars. First, we must accept that moving from Diggs to Jefferson isn’t likely to be a smooth transition in Jefferson’s first year. Just as notably they’re losing their two corners that put up the most snaps for them in 2019. While neither of their 2018 corners were playing at their best, it currently looks like they’ll have two rookie starting corners with Gladney and Dantzler and I think all of reddit knows to expect cornerbacks to have rookie year struggles.
Week 3: vs Jets (W)
Can TY play corner? The Jets draft is another one of my favorites, but they’re still not quite there as a whole. Despite my love for Becton, I don’t think their list of offensive line changes have turned into a complete group. On top of that, I’m still not quite happy with their weapons. Bell looks like he’s still got mileage left in him if only he had a better line. Their tight end group is highly dubious, and their wide receiver group has really better hope Mims can actually play like a WR1. I think it’ll be a better game than some might assume based on a lot of opinions I hear on the Jets, but I’ve got the Colts with the edge.
Week 4: @ Bears (W)
As a fan of watching line play, this will be a game to remember. The Bears d-line is arguably the best run defense in the league and they’re not bad against the pass either particularly when backed by a good secondary. Unfortunately for the Bears, I’m expecting their weaker offensive line to struggle vs the Colts defensive line more than the opposite.
Week 5: @ Browns (L)
Ah, yes. I get to another one of my favorite offseasons. Just about everything the Browns did seemed like a good move. On paper, the Browns offense is scary as hell and I just don’t have any arguments for why they would be worse. Jack Conklin and Jedrick Wills are going to be great additions to fix that line, then you go and add Hooper as if you didn’t have enough weapons. With even half-decent coaching this team can be dangerous and I can’t trust the Colts secondary to handle every weapon.
Week 6: vs Bengals (W)
After five straight years of the Bengals losing their first round pick for a significant amount of time due to injury, maybe this year will be an exception. With the return of Jonah Williams, perhaps that line can actually have a half decent year, but I’m not going to bet the house on it. For the time being, the Bengals are still working on their rebuild.
Week 7: Bye
Week 8: @ Lions (W)
What little I watched of the Lions last year seemed like a decent quality team. As rarely as I like to bet on rookie corners, Okudah is as complete as any college corner I’ve seen. I’m not ready to call them a strong team, but they don’t seem weak by any means. A return from Stafford could make the NFC North one of the most internally competitive divisions to watch. Regardless, I feel like the Colts have a somewhat stronger roster.
Week 9: Ravens (L)
If only I could go to this game in person. I’d love to see how the Colts defense matches up against that Ravens offense in person. Top to bottom the Ravens have one of the strongest rosters in the league, so they get the strong edge.
Week 10: @ Titans (L)
I hate Thursday night games. The home team has a huge statistical advantage. Going into Tennessee tired after a tough Ravens game certainly isn’t going to do the Colts any favors when they’ve gotta try to tackle Derrick Henry.
Week 11: vs Packers (L)
This is just a long stretch of teams asking a lot of the Colts physically. Stopping the run week after week with the Ravens then Derrick Henry then Jones/Dillon is just going to be physically brutal. Luckily, the Colts are coming off a ten day bye at home, but the Packers are just an overall solid team all around and I think they’ll still be very competitive at every phase of the game.
Week 12: vs Titans (W)
I don’t think the Colts will be happy with their string of losses. I think they’re coming back hungry and trying to prove themselves against a divisional opponent at home.
Week 13: @Texans (W)
After the Texans split games in 2018 and 2019, the Colts are going to get the first win of 2020. For two closely matched teams in 2019, the Colts have lost nobody of any particular importance and purely added more talent, while the Texans sold off Hopkins in hopes that Cooks and Cobb will somehow elevate their offense. It’s a risky bet.
Week 14: @ Raiders (W)
Last year’s Raiders led the Colts by 7 points with just over 2 minutes to go in the half prior to Brissett’s pick 6. Looking at things from a clean slate, I’d fully expect the return of previously inactive Hilton, Leonard, and Hooker to cover the gap between the two teams and I have the Colts winning next year’s game.
Week 15: vs Texans (L)
Let’s not underrate Deshaun Watson. Having watched Luck carry a questionable offense for years, I think Deshaun’s got enough talent to pull some wins out of his ass. I’m certainly not so low on the Texans roster to believe Deshaun can’t push it to a win.
Week 16: @ Steelers (W)
Last year’s game was a 2 point Steelers victory after an Adam Vinatieri kick went awry with about a minute left in the game. So, they question is, were the Colts offseason improvements worth 2 points on the Steelers? Both of these teams are expected to improve greatly with the return and hiring of 2004 quarterback legends, but I’d have to give a slight nod to Big Ben as the greater improvement from Mason Rudolph vs Rivers replacing Brissett/Hoyer. For remaining Inactives, I’d have to credit the loss of TY Hilton as a more significant factor than that of James Connor. What I think finally takes the Colts over the top is the combination of their first round pick for DeForest Buckner as well as a stronger pair of second round additions with Pittman and Taylor vs Claypool.
Week 17: vs Jaguars (L)
If you don’t like the look of that L next to the Jaguars game, you don’t like AFC South football. The Jags always seem like a much better team about once a year. I’m looking at you 2018 Jags. At 10-5, I think the Colts have a good chance at being guaranteed a playoff berth and the Jags probably just want to prove themselves more.

Schemes

Offense
If you’re looking at last year’s team as a model for this year’s offense, you’re probably missing something. To quote Ozzurip from last year’s review, “The point is that there isn’t a specific scheme.” Frank Reich isn’t beholden to doing one thing every week. He wants to find every mismatch and exploit it to the best of his ability by using a diverse set of tools. Jacoby’s limitations as a player saw the passing offense get unnecessarily flat last year. Philip Rivers is the bet to run Frank Reich’s offense properly.
This starts by looking at your traditional West Coast offense utilizing a lot of nickel and dime throws in order to set up a rush. Of course with the Colt’s power running and more modern RPO usage, the run game is setting up this short passing game just as well. When teams are playing too close to the box, Frank will call up a play to push the ball deep where his new quarterback is more than willing to follow through. Ultimately, Reich will push whatever works. If the Colts are running over the opposing team, he won’t be afraid to lean into the run, but I personally believe the Colts will want to be a pass first offense once again. This is admittedly not a commonly agreed upon point among Colts fans. Feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt.
The Colts have a diverse set of weapons that allow them to play just about any game they want to and will gladly lean on certain weapons to target specific weaknesses in the opponent’s defense. You want big guys? Let’s throw Doyle, Alie-Cox, Pittman, and Patmon out there. This not only puts out a selection of big bodies to have to defend against, but also a good list of run blockers for whichever running back they’re throwing out. Want speed? Hilton, Campbell, and Hines are each capable of stretching the field vertically. The last note I want to add would be a likely increase in 22 personnel. Just toss out Patmon and mix and match some running backs. Reich has mentioned seeing Mack and Taylor on the field at the same time, but I would fully expect plenty of plays with Nix holding a lead blocker role or even a more Tom Rathman-esque fullback that pulls in passes in the short game.
Defense
The Colts defense is a pretty simple scheme based on a 4-3 Tampa 2 defense. Despite some excitement after the Chiefs game where the Colts played man on 73.3% of snaps, expect for the Colts to play a vast majority of their snaps in zone coverage. Playing man for that one game was likely just taking advantage of a weakened receiving core than it was a proof of the Colts sudden willingness to move to a different scheme.
The Colts are heavily reliant on the front four to generate pressure and do so by rotating through 8-9 defensive linemen with the goal of keeping players fresh. The Colts defensive lineman with the highest snap count last year was Justin Houston who only played in 65.18% of snaps. Perhaps bringing in Buckner will cause the team to add a bit more consistency after Buckner’s 78.72% snaps on the 49ers last season. This focus on the front 4 is accentuated by the 6th lowest blitz rate in the league in 2019.
Part of what helps the defensive line be effective is their ability to focus on the passer while the linebackers work heavily to stop the run. The Colts run a lot of a concept called patterns where the play side linebacker’s goal is to control the offensive line and push the run outside where the other linebacker is meant to be athletic enough to cross the line and stop the run. For a more detailed look at the Colts implementation of this concept, read Zach Hicks’s writeup on this
Behind the linebacker group is typically a Cover-2 whose primary goal is to cover the deep zones and prevent any big plays. The idea is that forcing a team to dink and dunk down the field forces the offense to be successful on more plays to reach the end zone. More plays means more opportunities on each drive for interceptions, sacks, forced fumbles, and simply missed passes in order to set the offense back. The Colts were ultimately tied for 10th in the league at 13.1 percent of drives ending in a turnover.
Shoutouts to those who helped:
Ozzurip
Link to hub
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How To Actually Get Over A Breakup and Get Your Ex Back (Based on Science) [Revised Edition]

I know you are going through hell right now. You are sad, confused, angry, depressed, and sometimes numb. You go from sad to angry then to numb. Or you are just sad all the time or even just angry all the time. I am here to tell you that whatever emotions you are going through is normal. It is totally normal to feel these painful emotions and even be confused by them. You don't go from grief to anger, you switch around a lot. Your emotions are basically all over the place. Guilt, shame, disappointment, and hopelessness are quite common too. You might be also experiencing panic and anxiety attacks, heartache (literally), episodes of depression, headaches, stomach problems, loss of appetite, insomnia. You can't stop thinking about your Ex and what they have done to you.
To make matters worse, our friends and family aren't being the most helpful. At first, maybe they were supportive. And then later they just started being dismissive to our feelings by saying things like "Just move on already" or "There is a lot of fish in the sea". This causes us to feel like there is something wrong with us, that we should have moved on already. This notion makes us blame ourselves for feeling this pain. I am here to tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling this way. There is no RIGHT amount of time to take to "move on" and none of it is your fault.
Heartbreak is universal and has existed for more than thousands if not millions of years of our existence (Fisher, 2017). You can trace poems about broken hearts from the ancient Egyptian pyramids to ancient Inuit cave dwellings. Look at the top 100 songs on the billboards right now, the majority are songs about our broken hearts. Where there is love, there will be heartbreak. Your experience is excruciating, but fortunately not unique. Our species has survived and thrived after getting their hearts smashed into bits for thousands of years. So, YOU can too.
You don't feel like yourself. You don't think you will ever be happy again. Fortunately, you are going to be OKAY. It will take a while but you will get back to who you were before. I promise on our broken-hearted ancestors. I prepared this guide so this process is much easier. This guide also outlines the best way to get your ex back, if you want that. These tips are not in chronological order, you do not need to follow them one after another.
1) Acceptance
Maybe you realized before it happened or maybe the break up got you by surprise. Either way, it’s devastating. You hope this is some nightmare and you will get up and everything will get back to normal. But no, this is your reality right now. The relationship is over. It’s okay to be in shock and denial in the first few weeks but eventually, you will just have to accept it. It will be difficult to accept it, but you have to do it to get to the next healing stage. Accept what happened. Denial will only prolong your suffering.
2) Grieve your loss
Cry your heart out, doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl. Start your day with a good cry. It lifts a huge burden and you walk lighter throughout the day. Break up music, pictures of your ex, old texts are all good things to use to start bawling if you are having trouble crying. Angry? Punch a pillow, yell into the pillow! Do whatever it takes to get your anger out, as long as it's not harming anyone else. This grief will come in waves. Some days you might not feel it as much, but some days it hits you hard. That is normal. So cry! Process your emotions, don't hold it in. Holding it in will compound it and it will come out in different ways. There is no timeline for you to process grief. Don't let anybody tell you "In 6 months you will stop crying". Your healing process is YOUR healing process. Take however long. It might also hit you unexpectedly, a year into the healing journey when you think you are doing great then you hear a song you both liked and boom. You are hit with sadness. It does diminish over time so, be patient. The intensity and frequency of "grief attacks" and "anger attacks" lessen over time.
Sometimes we are disappointed not because they left but because they did not fulfill our expectations. Such as getting married to us, having our babies, etc. These dreams can be fulfilled by somebody else. You are not sad because they were the one, you are sad because you THOUGHT they were.
3) Understanding what is going on in your head right now
Humans are social animals. Our survival depended on our ability to forge relationships with others (Buss, 2019). Hence, our brain evolved to instill mechanisms that would help us keep these relationships. So when a prehistoric bear tried to kidnap your mate, you would enter fight or flight mode which would make you jump into action and do everything to save them. As you heard the cries of your mate, your cortisol would shoot through the roof, adrenaline and norepinephrine would pump into your body which helps you to run faster, fight harder and feel less pain. These chemicals motivate you to take massive action. You might scream at the bear while chucking rocks at his head or run back to the village super fast and call for backup. Were they always successful in warding the bear off? Nope, but they were successful enough to pass this evolutionary advantageous trait to us since our ancestors who did not possess this trait died off. Therefore it would make sense if you have an eerily similar reaction if some random guy in a trench coat tried to kidnap your little brother. Unfortunately, for people going through a breakup, this mechanism gets triggered since a relationship is potentially ending and our brain is freaking the fuck out. This mechanism might make us call them a 100 times, scream at them, make big romantic gestures, hold on to their leg while they are trying to walk away (metaphorically or even LITERALLY). We try reasoning with them, we try everything to get them back to calm our head but it doesn't work. (Will get into why it doesn't work later on). Even if it does work, it does not last long. This fight or flight response persists because we failed to keep our relationship. Our body is riddled with agonizing anxiety all day because those stress chemicals I mentioned earlier are still doing their magic on your system. This may persist, days or even months. This phase won't last forever. You just need to make sure to not do anything stupid, you know like CALLING THEM A 100 TIMES but even if did do something stupid. Don't be too hard on yourself.
4) Be patient
I know hurts. It's horrible. It is going to be like this for a bit but you will get better eventually. People don't take 2 weeks to 'Get over it'. Be patient, trust the process.
5) Cut off all contact, go No contact (For your own healing)
Don't text them, don't call them, don't snap them, don't like their photos, don't do anything to contact them, don't even try to send a pigeon. If they message or call you, let them know straight up that if they want to try the relationship again they can call or text you. Otherwise, tell them not to contact you under any circumstances. No need to be mean, do it politely. "If you ever want to give another try with our relationship, only then contact me. Otherwise refrain from contacting me. I want some space, thank you." Why are we being so cruel?
Love activates all your happy chemicals. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin (Zeki, 2007). When the person dumps you, they cut you off all these happy chemicals causing massive withdrawal symptoms. Interestingly people going through a drug withdrawal show the exact same symptoms (Fisher, 2017). Why? Because love is the ultimate drug and you are addicted.
Your brain is addicted to your ex. To cure this addiction you have to go cold turkey. Will it be dreadful? YES. Is it necessary? Yes. You might think keeping in contact as friends will cushion the blow. In the long term, it will be more painful to be their friend because you will see them moving on without you. Talking to them is like re-opening a wound over and over again.
This is actually the hardest part since you are literally fighting against your basic human instinct I talked about earlier that prevents the loss of a loved one. Your brain is screaming at you "WE NEED TO GET THEM BACK! CALL THEM, TEXT THEM etc". Once we fear we are losing a loved one our brain will try to do everything to get them back. If a bear was running off with them, then it would have helped but in this case, reaching out to them will further push them back. They want some space from you right now.
This includes stalking them on social media, don't do it. It complicates your healing since you are reopening a wound over and over again. Easier said than done though. If you really struggle with this, maybe try to ween off it slowly. Let yourself see their fb twice a week at first, then twice in two weeks etc. Slowly ween off doing it at all. I suggest unfollowing them at least.
Coincidentally, No Contact is the same move to make if you want to win them back. It is a double-edged sword. Whether you want them back or heal your heart OR BOTH. Your best move is to go No Contact.
6) Using No Contact to get them back
You might be wondering that if you do no contact, they might actually forget about you and move on. WRONG! How many times do you think about water a day? Not a lot. Lets just imagine that your house runs out of water, the whole city runs out of water. All you can think about now is water. You are thirsty, you want to take a shower, you want to cook....the lack of water has forced you to think of it. Its the scarcity effect, we long for things that are scarce more than we long for things that are plenty (Cialdini, 2014). Hence, no contact makes your ex think about you way more than they would have if you kept badgering them. You need to be completely out of the picture for them to miss you. They must feel your void.
You might feel that begging them to come back would work, it won't. They have already made the decision to leave you and prepared for you to react like this. You think you can reason with them to take you back. You can't. Because right now they aren't emotionally neutral enough to hear any logical arguments.
Why can't you convince them? Its because they have made a decision already. Humans want to stay consistent with their decisions due to the consistency principle (Cialdini, 2014). The decision to break up is not made logically, its made emotionally, hence using logic to reason with them is useless.
Hence, you can't change their mind right now. The only person that can change their minds is themselves. You help them do that by going No Contact.
Show yourself that you respect yourself enough to NOT chase after someone who left you. Neediness is unattractive, show your ex that you don't need them. Here are more reasons to not chase them.
- When they broke up with you, they expected you to still be in the sidelines as a friend or something. So they don't have to fear losing you. Well, don't give them what they expect, leave the situation. Vanish out of her life completely. So they start actually fearing that they might lose you. Fear of loss is a great motivation for action in humans since we are loss averse (Kahneman, 2011). This will make it more likely they will want to get back with you.
- You not being in their loop anymore, causes them to get curious about you. After curiosity comes attraction. When their attraction towards you has reached a level, they will contact you.
- They actually start respecting you since they assumed you were going to beg and plead. Respect is essential for attraction.
- Over time, they will forget all the negative things about you and the situation that made them break up with you. Negative memories lose their intensity faster than positive ones. As more time passes, you will look better due to the faded affect bias (Gibbons, 2011)
7) How to actually do "No contact"
When my ex broke up with me I could not believe what was happening. This was the closest thing to hell I have ever experienced. I have been hit hard by life many times. But this punch, it nearly killed me. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. It was absolute agony. I would go to sleep and start dreaming about being together with her. I would wake up and realize the reality of the situation and start bawling like a mad man (thats a positive though, you should cry it out). All my dreams I had with her were all shattered. I didn't know what to do. The life I planned with her is nothing but a sad memory now. I started researching and went down the rabbit hole of "Win your ex back". I found out about the no contact policy and started doing it.
The first seven days were brutal. The only thing I told myself was "Just survive the first 7 days". Every inch of my body wanted to reach out to her. To beg her to come back. I knew it wouldn't work. So through sheer will and determination, I didn't reach out to her. As I explained before, my brain was in fight or flight. I was also suffering from withdrawal symptoms of love. I just told myself, "Survive 7 days". That is all I did. I survived 7 days at a time. Maybe you can only survive 1 day at a time. Do that! Tell yourself that "Okay okay, I will contact them in a month". Then when a month rolls by "Okay, next month I will contact her". Then when the next month rolls by tell yourself "Okay, I will contact her in the next 3 months". The trick is to lie to yourself that you will contact them eventually but you never will. (That includes not contacting them on birthdays, holidays, valentine's day, death of a loved one etc). People that join the '12 steps program', are not told to NEVER drink again. That is putting the goal post way out of your reach. The addicts are instructed to NOT drink one day at a time, then a week, then a month, then a year, and then finally for a lifetime.
Another trick I used was to believe that if I did contact them. I would push them farther back and lose them forever. Which is true, breaking no contact will lower your chances of getting them back.
Another trick I used was the progress meter. For every month I took a piece of A4 size paper and drew 30 squares (Each square represents a day). I hung it on my bedroom wall. After each day was over I would put a tick mark on one of the 30 boxes. The tick mark is meant to signify that I have finished another day while following no contact. Once you complete 7 days, it looks really nice, like you have completed a streak. Keeping your streak can be a huge motivator for not breaking no contact (Clear, 2018). It gives you a sense of accomplishment and keeps you on track, you will think twice before breaking your streak. After you tick marked all 30 days, take yourself out for a date, and treat yourself. Then hang up another A4 size paper and keep repeating the process. One day you will tell yourself, "I really don't care anymore to tick mark a box for not contacting my ex", that's the day you can stop. You will stop when you become completely indifferent. The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.
This will no doubt be the hardest thing you have ever done. You are fighting against your basic human instincts (to connect and reunite) that has been instilled into us since the beginning of time.. You are fighting the neurological mechanism that was set in place to KEEP your loved ones. Hence, the difficulty.
Bonus trick to keep doing no contact (Might not be the healthiest way, but it works). Use only if you are really struggling with no contact. You need to get into the devil mindset.
Realize they have stabbed you through the heart. You are in pain because of them. Time for you to strike back. The best way for them to feel the pain and consequences of losing you is to keep NOT contacting them. Put them in a state of doubt about their decision by not reaching out to them. Let them feel the pain. Remember, if you break no contact. You will stop their pain but we don't want that, do we? In the first few months, they will be fine but slowly they will start feeling the hurt. Is this mindset petty? Yes. But it is way better than contacting them and ruining the chances of healing and/or getting them back. Your last words before starting no-contact should be kind, not anything mean. If you insult or demean them, you will come off as immature and petty. Making them less doubtful about their decision.
For true healing, your no-contact needs to come from a healthier place. After a period, abandon this "devil mindset", see your ex with compassionate curiosity and forgive them. The last thing they wanted to do was to hurt you but there was no other way.
8) Why you should reject their offer of friendship
Sometimes the dumper doesn't want to be so cruel so they try to be your friend. To reduce their guilt and reduce their pain of losing you. Don't give them that. Let them feel the pain of losing you. If you want them back or if you want to move on, the best way is to let them go. They need to miss you, to want you again. The dumper has all the power in this breakup, since they are rejecting you. Take back a little of that power by rejecting their offer of friendship. Do you really want to see them dating new people and asking for your advice? You might think that if you are around her she won't move on and she will realize what an amazing person you are and get back with you. WRONG! What ends up happening is they start categorizing you as a friend rather than a romantic interest. Let's avoid that. You need to let them know that if they want to get back into your life. They can only get back as a romantic interest. Nothing less, nothing more.
9) Stop trying to find the "Real" reason for the breakup
You are going through every conversation you had with her. You are analyzing her texts, you are asking your friends "Could she have left because I didn't share my custard with her on our 12th date ?" You feel like you are Sherlock Holmes, figuring out clues that will lead you to the "real" reason. In reality, they don't even know why they broke up with you. They have an idea of why, but the reason is more emotional than logical so they can't give you a really good reason. I get it, you want closure. The only person that can give you closure is you! Think, think hard why they left you. Write it down on a piece of paper and just learn to accept it. General incompatibility? Poor communication? Lack of time spent? Circumstance? Mental health issues? What do YOU think the reason was? What does your heart tell you? Mystery solved. Remember, if you do reach out to them and try to get closure, no matter what they tell you. It will never be enough.
10) Don't blame yourself
We tend to blame ourselves and our imperfections for the breakup. This person didn't just reject you, they rejected you after knowing you inside out. That is why it hurts so much. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you! Yes, you aren't perfect. You have your flaws. You deserve someone that stays with you regardless of your flaws, not someone who refuses to work on them with you. Sometimes people break up because of the circumstances. It has nothing to do with you. It might just be a bad time and place. All that being said, you deserve someone that makes every excuse to be with you. Not someone who makes every excuse to NOT be with you. Life is hard and complicated, relationships aren't ideal all the time. It's easy to stay in a relationship during the good times, but hard to stay in it in the bad times. The bad times are the times that show you if the other person is worth it or not.
11) Don't idealize your Ex and put them on a pedestal
Drug addicts in withdrawal often highlight only the positives of the drug they were addicted to (Winch, 2018). They conveniently forget how that drug turned their life upside down. People who got dumped do that too. I am not saying your ex turned your life upside down but they weren't perfect. Write down their flaws and things that annoyed you on a piece of paper. Write down what may have attracted you to them but later made you feel like shit. For example, you might have liked the fact they were dominant, but later on it just felt like they were very controlling. When you think about her again, focus on her flaws.
Them dumping you might intensify your feelings towards them. This feeling is not based entirely on love, it's based on adversity. Scientists made a monkey expect treats at a certain time. When they stopped giving them the treat to study its effect on dopamine in their brain. The monkeys thrashed around in fury. Nothing odd about that, but the odd thing was the monkey's brain produced more dopamine when the monkey did NOT get the treat. This extra dopamine meant that the monkey's want for the treat increased when he did not get his treat that he expected. This is called Frustration Attraction (Fisher). We long for things way more when we expect it but don't get it. You expected your ex to be in your life, them not being there anymore made you want them even more. Your love did not increase. This is frustration attraction in play. Don't confuse this with genuine attraction.
12) Don't change your life to avoid pain
Don't avoid the restaurants you used to go to. Don't avoid the activities you used to do together. Yes, when you go to the restaurant you used to go to together might be painful at first. But after a few times, you bring your friends there or even a new date there. Your brain starts creating new memories with that restaurant and the new memories override the old memories and you feel much better. Sure, it was where you and your ex used to have tea but now its where you and your friends spill the tea. You guys used to do yoga together? Try doing it alone or with someone else. Obviously don't resume activities just after the breakup but eventually get to that point.
13) Get rid of the reminders of them
Your ex already occupies your mind a lot. let's not let them haunt you physically too. If they have given you gifts, love letters, old pictures of them etc. We need to remove them. Yes, for the time being at least. Keep them in a box and shove it down a room or place you don't go to. *However these old mementos are very useful to induce crying. I used my ex's love letter to cry my heart out, I read it over and over. Then one day it wasn't really helping me cry, so I decided to get rid of it. Yes, I burned it. It felt pretty awesome and cathartic. So do get rid of these old mementos eventually, no rush. Holding onto vivid reminders of them does not let your wound heal properly. Getting rid of them signals your brain to let go. Its a short term sacrifice for a long term gain. A lot of people report an immediate boost in mood after they purged the physical reminders (Winch, 2018). This also includes their photos on your phone. YES, even the nudes. Let it go.
14) Be compassionate to yourself
Develop a non-judgmental inner voice that is actually kind to you. Instead of beating yourself up with insults, talk to yourself kinder. If you have a thought like "I can't even open a ketchup bottle easily, I am such a dumbass...no wonder she left me", counter this thought with "I am only human and these ketchup bottles are really complex these days, I am not a dumbass.". Respond to the mistakes you make with compassion. Write down all the bad things you say to yourself in a day and look at it. Think about it. Would you ever tell a good friend these things? No. Then don't tell them to yourself.
15) Fill the void with Self Improvement
Now you feel like there is a huge void in your life. Your ex might have been a big part of your life. Fill that void up by adopting a new hobby, learning a new skill, or any passion of yours you wanted to always try but didn't have the time to. Don't fret if you don't have a hobby or a new skill to learn. The journey to finding these things is an awesome adventure on its own. It took me a long while to realize that I really love human psychology and self-improvement books. Read! READ! Increase your knowledge and unlock your full potential. Commit yourself to become a better person. So you don't make the same mistakes you did in your last relationship. Life is about growth but that can't happen without failure. A child doesn't learn how to walk without falling a hundred times first. I will have a recommended book list at the end of the article.
16) Don't "Get busy" to avoid thinking about them
All you are doing is delaying your pain by distracting yourself from thinking about them. Let the thoughts about them come. If you can't cry. Close your eyes and focus on the pain. Be with the body, don't judge the pain. Just notice it. Keep noticing it, till it goes away. That is how you process your pain to go through you and not get buried.
17) Battle the obsession of your ex with mindful meditation
Every waking moment of your day is filled by ruminating about your ex. You will think about them 24/7 for a while. No need to panic. It's totally normal. One thing that can help you do this less is mindful meditation. Mindful meditation is linked to a million other benefits for your physical and mental health, so it's a no brainer (Cho, 2016). You also need to understand that it takes a while for you to get the hang of it. Try using the headspace app's trial feature to learn how to do it.
18) Talk to a professional (therapist)
A break up is a tumultuous time for anyone. Hence seeking professional help isn't the worst idea. When someone breaks up with us, we don't just grieve for our ex. We start grieving for every attachment trauma we ever endured in our lives. Grief is like picking up a paper clip that is connected to other paper clips. You can't grief for your ex alone, you will unconsciously end up grieving about all your attachment trauma. A good therapist can help you through that process.
19) Rely on all your social support systems
Feeling sad? Reach out to friends and family to vent. Sometimes just straight up tell them that you just want to vent and don't want their advice. Your loved ones are here for you to utilize them. But do give them breaks from venting here and there. They are human and they sometimes can get tired of your break up story.
20) Rebuild your identity
When we are in a relationship we tend to merge our identities with our other half. That is why we feel so lost when they leave us. We are so used to having them as our "better" half's that we forget who we were when we never met them in the first place. Maybe you gave up a hobby or activity when you were dating them to have more time with them. Now is the best time to reclaim that part of yourself that you lost when you guys were dating. It is also the best time to figure out who you are and what you truly want. If you always wanted to travel and live in some country for a few months but you couldn't because you were in a committed relationship, now is the perfect opportunity to do so. You aren't tethered by anyone, fly free.
21) Get some physical exercise
Well, the first few months of the breakup I guess its okay if you don't work out at all since you might be too depressed to get out of bed or have any motivation to do anything (I couldn't get up for two months, some other people were fine after a week. So heal in your own time, again there is no timeline to grieve). But eventually, I want you to start exercising regularly to pump your brain with all those feel-good chemicals. 15 to 30 min a day is a good start, hell even just 5 min is great. You can try yoga too if working out isn't your thing. Becoming a bit sexier in the process is a pretty good bonus too.
22) Write letters to them but don't actually send it to them
Write however many letters you want. Write whatever you want to write. Whatever you ever wanted to say to them. Go ahead and say it in the letter. Pour your heart out, leave nothing unsaid. I personally used tape recorders rather than letters. I got too lazy and used the voice recorder on my phone to have a "pretend" one-sided conversation. It felt really good afterward. It cleared my head and gave me a bit of closure. But eventually, burn these letters and delete these recordings by also "Thanking them and forgiving them" in your own words. Every time you burn a letter, thank them and forgive them. You don't need to hold this grudge your whole life, it's not good for you. Forgiving is not for them, its for your own healing. No matter what they did, you have to be able to forgive them eventually. In your own time! There is no time limit. Remember to forgive yourself too for the mistakes you might have made, you are only human after all.
23) Start Journaling
At the end of everyday write or (record your feelings). It helps you process your feelings better. Write about how you feel. Are you feeling sad? Angry? Confused? Putting them down on paper takes a bit of the emotional intensity off you. The first few months you should journal every day but as time goes on, decrease your frequency. After a 3 or 6 month period read your early journal entries and compare them to your most recent journal entries and you will notice how much better you are doing, which will give you a much-needed boost to healing.
24) Start a gratitude journal
Yes, I bet you heard that a million times already. It does increase your happiness quotient (Connor, 2010). Make a habit of listing three things you are grateful for before you go to sleep. When you say these things actually feel it and let the joy of that thing warm you up. It could be as little thing as the dinner you had that day or it could be something really special such as being grateful for your parents.
25) Set ambitious new goals for your life
Is there something you always wanted to do or be? Set your horizons on it and start chasing your new hopes and dreams.
26) Start Dating again
You would eventually want to start dating again. Have fun with your single life. Have some exciting romantic encounters with some girl on vacation. Flirt with that handsome guy at the bar. Have fun, enjoy yourself. Take it slow and be wary of any early red flags. Trust your gut. Maybe you knew your ex was an alcoholic but still went out with him. Don't make the same mistakes you made last time. But if you want to stay single for a while, that is okay too. Do you, there is no right or wrong here. Think of dating as a source of possible romantic interests, it keeps the pressure off you.
27) Antidote to Suffering
In my lowest moments after the breakup. I had symptoms of clinical depression. I couldn't get out of bed. All I would do is sleep. Some days I would lie in my bed awake riddled with agonizing anxiety. To make things worse my obsessive-compulsive disorder was acting up too. I simply did not have the energy to manage it anymore as I used to. I gave up my will to live a couple of times. I stopped eating and drinking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to die but I didn't have the energy to commit suicide so I thought it be best to die starving in my bed. Waking up was a pain, going through my days were a pain. One morning a thought occurred to me that gave me the will to live again "I have to save others from this pain and suffering, I can't do that if I am dead. I am going to become the world's greatest therapist and help people with OCD and breakups, I have to live!" From that moment on, I started getting up and eating and drinking water more regularly and then going back to bed to sleep all day. Slowly but surely, I would sleep less on the day and get more things done. I didn't get this thought because I am some Mother Theresa or anything. It was for selfish reasons. I needed a reason to live. I needed meaning for my suffering to survive and withstand it.
The antidote to suffering is finding meaning in it. This is not my wisdom. Its what I learned reading Viktor Frankl's Man's search for meaning. "A man who has a why can endure any how", this famous quote of Nietzsche gives more support to this idea. The meaning of your life must be more specific though. You have to have a meaning and purpose that nobody else other than you can fulfill. You can't just say "I want to help people", sure that is noble but it's not specific enough. You want to help people? But how? There are millions of ways to help people, what's the way you would like to help them? Which way would let you help them the best? My purpose and meaning are helping people with a very specific kind of OCD. Its called Purely obsessional OCD, this ocd has no physical compulsions, only mental ones. A lot of therapists and psychiatrists don't know how to address it properly. I want to change that. I also want to help people going through breakups. Especially dumpees who are anxiously attached. Breakups are extra hard on these types of people. To achieve this goal I am happy to suffer. I will keep on going regardless of how bad and hard it gets.
Find the meaning of your suffering. Do you want to create amazing art that will make people think deeply? Do you want to direct a documentary exposing a problem? Do you just want to make old people at the nursery home smile more? It can be whatever you want it to. Ask yourself, if you would gladly suffer for this purpose? If the answer is 'No', don't pursue that. The agony you are experiencing currently will be more bearable after you start taking steps to find and pursue your meaning.
However, you might be in the team who thinks everything is inherently meaningless. Nothing really matters. There is no meaning in life. There is no meaning in our suffering. All the pain and agony our ancestors went through to build the foundation of this world is meaningless. All the people that suffered without surrendering their morals in the holocaust were wasting their time. All the people that refused to turn in their friends in the face of brutal torture in the gulags made a stupid choice.
All the people that died for a better world wasted their lives because it doesn't mean anything. How about all the people that sacrificed their happiness for the good of humanity? Were their lives meaningless? The only reason we still exist is because of the sacrifices that were made by our ancestors through blood, sweat, and a lot of tears. We are only standing because we are standing on their corpses. Billions of billions of corpses. Is it all meaningless? Are their lives and deaths meaningless? NO! They weren't. It is us, the living that must give their suffering meaning! After we are dead, our future generations will look back to us for their meaning. Therefore I think it is our responsibility to pursue meaning to respect our ancestor's sacrifice. If we don't, it will deem all their suffering meaningless!
A prisoner in Auschwitz was told to get into the gas chamber. At that time it was just a rumor that people died in the showers. Most of the victims didn't know or didn't want to believe that it was true. But somehow this man knew what fate awaited him. He smuggled a piece of paper and wrote "Shema Yisrael" (it's traditional for Jewish people to say this as last words) and stuffed it in his shirt, then he undressed. He walked into the chamber upright and with dignity and before the gas was released his last words were also probably "Shema Yisrael". In this context Shema means "listen", Yisrael means "people (or congregation of Israel)". Its a prayer in Judaism. It's traditional for Jewish people to say this as their last words. But why did this man have to write it in a piece of paper? Couldn't he just have said "Shema Yisrael" before he died? Why did he need to go through all the trouble to smuggle a piece of paper and use his own blood to write this?
He was trying to send a message to humanity as a whole. He was trying to talk to the people that survived. He was trying to talk to us. He was trying to say "Listen people, do you see me? I have been through a lot here. But it didn't ruin my faith in god. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope. Suffer with dignity." This is how I interpreted it to fit my own narrative. You can do the same. Every time I reach a very low spot mental health-wise and I don't think I can take it anymore. I say to myself, "Shema Yisrael" and remember this man and his message. After I say these words I immediately feel better. It doesn't lower my pain, it increases my ability to withstand it. He found meaning in his death by sending this message to us. I took his message and used it to handle my pain. I am writing this article because of my own pain, if this article helps you. You give meaning to all the pain I been through. Thank you for giving my pain meaning. I hope this breakup teaches you things that you can pass on to someone else so they give meaning to your suffering.
Loved this post? Give my podcast a listen. I go into more depth, share more advice and interesting personal stories. (Its FREE!)
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Inspiration for this paragraph
- Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- The Gulag of Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
- The Story Of Civilization by Will and Ariel Durant
- Attack on Titans season 3 episode 16 "Erwin's Speech"
*I will also make individual posts about all the points I made here in the coming weeks.
Book Recommendations:
- How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
- 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson
- Subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Sources:
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Bet on boxing odds at Sports Interaction Sportsbook, with online sports betting on all the boxing action. Okay MyBookie boxing betting faithful, with a quartet of intriguing title fights all going down this coming weekend, it’s time to take a look at who’s in action and which boxers are offering the best value against their respective boxing betting odds. Boxing Betting: August 14, 2020 Felix Cash (12-0, 8 KO’s) vs. Jason Welborn(24-8) Here are just some of the more popular boxing betting markets, with boxing betting lines explained: Outright Winner. This is simply backing one fighter to defeat the other, and taking the available odds. You are not picking the round, nor the method of victory, just the fighter. Let’s say, hypothetically, odds are 11/8, meaning if the fight happened 19 times (11 + 8), Alvarez would lose 11 times and win 8 times. Therefore, the probability of Alvarez winning the fight is calculated by dividing 8 (the number of times he would win) by 19 (the total number of trials). Boxing odds comparison service. Find and compare the latest boxing lines from the top online betting sites.

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